Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Smartest Person Listens First, and Then Talks.

It used to be that I talked and talked and talked. It was just part of my natural, chatty personality, but then a while back I did something different.

I listened. I would just let people open up, and talk to me. It is amazing. I learn so much from clients, friends, and other contacts, etc. just by listening. and I am not talking about half-heartedly listening, but REALLY listening to that person intently. Every one of us, inherently, wants to be heard. We want to know that we are understood and matter. The smartest people do just that - they listen, reflect, and then respond.

I still continue to listen, like a an old friend exchanging banter in an intimate coffee shop. Nothing matters except giving that person my undivided attention. No cell phones. No looking around. Focusing on them. The response, is quite astonishing, really. By simply listening, we offer the assurance that we understand the other person, that we care about what they have to say, and for me, I really do. I love to listen. And yes, I still love to talk, but after I give the person I am meeting a proper chance to do so first.

Listening has enabled me to organize stories that I have heard from people - namely one project in particular - that I call the Bar Stool Stories. In my professional career, I have had to do lots of research that involved getting out there and making direct contact with the consumer, namely, in bars. I did this for agencies and private liquor/spirits/beverage clients. How I did not end up an alcoholic is still completely beyond me, but thank goodness for knowing limits and calling cabs.

I would start by smiling and saying hello. I would offer to buy that person their next round and ask them 'why' that drink of choice. Then I shut up. I sat and listened. Their choice in beverage was always, 100% of the time, tied to a back story. And those patrons were more than happy to share that with you and in some cases, their amazing stories about life, work, love and whatever else happened to pop in their minds.

I collected these stories, and have begun composing material for a book, based on these short, but amazing, stories. I've grouped them into categories. The first one is about love. People love to talk about love. How they are in it, got out of it, fell for it, happened upon it, ended it, etc. And this all came from just listening. Of course, I only know first names. Most people didn't give me a last name, and those that did are some that I still speak to today, but have agreed to leave their last names out of the book.

The insight that I got from making that connection with people yielded great information for my clients. People are more than happy to share an opinion on their drinking habits. I've gathered stories and opinions from anyone ranging from the CEO's of Fortune 500 companies, to middle managers to doctors, to authors, to professional escorts (yes, you read that right), to single Mom's and beyond. Nobody was off limits. It was whomever I happened to sit next to, or have sit next to me.

I look forward to wrapping up that first book and sharing it with the world. And if I can ever offer any one person a solid piece of advice that will serve you well in ALL situations, just listen. You'll be amazed at what you'll hear from your fellow human.


Best,

B.B.B.B

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