(un)Flawless

It's amazing talking to women sometimes. We sit around comparing ourselves to other more "pretty" women than ourselves, we all have that ugly little jealous streak of a girl that we think has it all, we undermine each other. You don't see men doing stuff like that (well not in those exact ways).

It's really incredible that some women think so little of themselves. When talking to a friend the other day, she griped to me about how she wishes she could spend one day looking like me. I had to laugh at her comment. She grew quiet with me on the phone and told me that she was being serious. I had to laugh even harder and explain to her my secret for looking good.

"I smile on the inside and it reflects on the outside." I told her that if would really and truly believe that she was pretty and carry herself as such, men would notice. I have seen women of all shapes and sizes and appearances attract men no matter WHAT they look like. Don't beleive me? Go to Wal-Mart sometime or any given festival. You'll see what I mean.

Those women may not look like a supermodel, but they exude confidence and believe that they truly are pretty in their own right - and they are. We are all beautiful in our own way. And let's keep in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

My friend still wasn't getting the point so she flatly asked me what was "wrong" with me.  "You are like, flawless" she insisted. This is hardly the case and I explained to her that I wasn't without flaws.

"I have flaws. Plenty of them. Most of them you can't see readily, but they are there - trust me. I have just learned to play up my best features, work on the ones that I can improve and forgive the rest. Because you can't fix everything. Any geneticist would agree with me on that."

"I still think you are full of it," and she held the line waiting for me to spill the beans, if only to build her own fragile ego. So, I obliged because I am confident about myself and if someone doesn't think I am pretty, etc. well, that's their opinion. And we all have those.

"My flaws are as follows," I began.

"I have a 2 inch long scar on my left leg that doesn't tan.

I had to wear braces for 5 years of my life and still have to wear retainers to keep them in order.

My hair color? Yeah - it's not mine. I color it because I have some gray - yes, even at my age. And it is fine, so it is kind of flat by default.

I have a few spider-veins on the back of my one leg. Don't know how I got 'em but they are small and there and annoying. I also have a  birthmark on my calf muscle shaped like the island of Crete.

My thighs - yup - they are aplenty because I rode a mountain bike for a long time and built them up. I could probably crush ribs in a wrestling match with those...

I am short. I am barely 5'2". Try shopping for clothes like that. I still have to go to the JUNIORS section to find stuff that will fit.

I have a butt. And not just any butt. It rivals that of J-Lo. Which can make jeans shopping less than fun and while we are on that kick, I am small on top. No Pamela Anderson for me. So basically, I am shaped like a bowling pin and/or penguin.

(By now she was laughing.)

I have to wear contact lenses because I am as blind as a bat and when I am not in those, I wear glasses. Yes, glasses.

My skin isn't perfect. Lord knows I go through great effort to keep it relatively blemish free, but guess what? I still get the occasional breakout.

I don't glisten in the heat like most women. Nope, I sweat. I swear, I could sweat about as much as any man. Summers mean going through great measures to remain smelling sweet like a flower.

Is that enough?"

By now she was hysterical on the phone. "WOW! You're a hot-mess!" she said.

I could tell that I had made her feel a bit better about herself. And with that we hung up after chatting a bit more. I couldn't helped but after to stop and look in the mirror and smile because to me, my flaws don't matter. I am still cute in my way. I may not be Angelina Jolie, but I have confidence that could rival hers. And the last time I checked, I wasn't short of guys who find me cute, too.

Talk to all you cats later...

A

Love: Isn't All You Need

With Valentine's Day fast approaching and the throngs of star-crossed lovebirds chasing down that perfect card from Hallmark and extra special gift for their significant other, I cannot help but to laugh. I laugh because you can keep love my friend. What is love really?

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that? It is a shallow set of 3 otherwise meaningless words that when plugged into a sentence together, is supposed to signify more than words can say. That we above all else, adore someone to the extent that we feel inclined to mutter those 3 words together in order to signify our devotion to them.

I save love for people I know aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Namely, my family and dearest friends - but even time will only tell with them. I only love the people that should they exit my life, I would probably shed some tears over. Now that's love. To me, at least. I've cried over more pets and dear people than I have over former "loves".

If I really and truly love someone, I choose to share my life (or some aspect of it) with them. I let them into my world and all that goes on in it. Sure, I may have "loved" my exs - but let's face it, muttering those words were an act of compliance and obligation. He "loved" me and I of course cared deeply for him. So, I "loved" him. I can tell you this though - if any of my exs were to exit my life entirely (I'm talking meeting their maker) I probably would feel sorry for their families, but I wouldn't cry over them. Because I really and truly didn't "love" them deeply enough in the first place.

Cold? Perhaps so. But love holds a higher value to me. Do I "love" anyone? Well, I might like someone an absolute lot and "love" the person I am closest too at the moment, but if they should leave on their own accord, that "love" fades.

And so it goes sometimes. People fall in and out of love and the whole notion is rather sickening. We as people like the thrill and rush from it all. New love. New things. Sometimes though, you are lucky enough to have real and true love - old love that through the years, you just love and adore that person even more - like a wine. It only gets better with time.

I'll take happiness over love any day. Happiness in the time I share with someone. Happiness in my own life.

To me, happiness isn't a source of pain, anger, frustration (and more). But, there aren't many happiness songs. Well, maybe a few - but those are few and far between. Love on the other hand - you just can't seem to escape on the radio. Good love. Real love. Bad love. Tragic love and so on. That shit is everywhere. You can't seem to avoid it.

Happiness is just that. Happy. Content. Glad and joyous of each moment. Wouldn't you much prefer to have a whole lot of that with someone - all the time?

Sounds like a good deal to me.

So to all of you in love or loving someone - have a great day of meeting that obligation. I'll be in pursuit of happiness that day and I'm sure it can be found without a card, 3 words, flowers or chocolates...

Best,

A