Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Pursuit of Happiness - Giving My Secret Away.

Sometimes things happen, but always for a reason. We don't know why at the time, (and sometimes it's a real head scratcher) but you have to wonder if the universe has other plans for you.

It's kind of like getting the messaging "Stay Tuned" that we see in a news break on a major network. Stay Tuned? But for what? We go through a period of real doubt and general upset. But you must keep the faith that things will work themselves out as they should. The choices you make, the things that happen, it's all part of a bigger picture to which you only get to see a portion, sort of like the image in this post. Sure you see a smile, but you have no idea who this lady is, or even if it IS a lady, we don't know if there is something crazy going on in the background that is making her smile, etc. You get the idea. Sometimes life goes that way. We don't get the whole picture but we must believe that the whole picture is well worth the feeling of standing at the fork in the road and wondering which direction is the right one to pick.

Recently, I came to that fork in the road again and yes, I only have a part of the picture. Yeah, it's scary, but I have learned to just go with the flow - like a twig on the shoulder of a mighty river. Most people ask me how on earth I can bear such changes and uncertainty.  Here's how: I look at the positive. That's it. The moment I let doubt and worry creep in, I will move my spirit into the path medical professionals like to call depression.

I welcome change. I embrace it. I didn't used to. But, it's good for all of us to get a good shake up every now and then. Major life changes can be taken any way. Allow me to show you what I mean...

You can look at job loss as a loss, or you can choose to see it as the opportunity to pursue something you love and a chance to meet new people, flex your skills and perhaps, dare I say, end up where you are supposed to be for a while. You didn't LOSE anything. You GAINED a new lease on life, finding work you enjoy, or time off to travel, take up a new hobby, like collecting stamps, or work a job you never thought you would to keep busy till the next thing comes along (hello dog walker), volunteer, etc.

Getting divorced? You are not losing a spouse, you are embarking on the path to finding a love that will last. You are finding the "right" one. Or perhaps, you choose to rock the single thing for a while. Just think of all the interesting people you'll meet and new friends you'll add along the way.

These are just merely examples. Not that I have ever been divorced, nor can I claim to understand the pain that goes with all of that, but I have broken up with boyfriends and have been dumped myself - hey, it happens - but always for a reason. It's the only way you are able to find the one you are meant to be with. The same story goes with work. Yes, I've been hired and fired. They were all learning experiences that I was thankful to have. It led me to where I am today and that is a place of being able to welcome change. Plus, let's face it. No careers are forever. Not in our economy or our society. We do a job, sometimes for months, sometimes for years. Sometimes we make it VP, and sometimes we don't.

In all, it is just how you choose to see things that can make all the difference.

Be well happiness seekers and remember life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.

B.B.B.B.

Monday, August 16, 2010

B.B.B.B. Thoughts and Advice - Taking Out the Trash.

In my previous post, I opened up my blog to people seeking advice. It didn't take long for me to get some folks who want it and would rather not pay a counselor to hear it, or bore their friends with yet another hour of them drabbling on about the same subject that repeats like a broken record.

Enjoy your advice, In Love with a Real D-Bag. I hope it helps and feel free to spread the word.

Dear Big Bad Blonde Blogger:

Recently I found out my boyfriend of over 5 years has been cheating on me for about the last 9 months. When I found out, he apologized and swore that he would never cheat again and that he wanted for us to work things out. I am torn. I have tried to trust him since I found out all of this, but can't completely trust him 100%. I do want for it to work out since the last several years he has been great. We aren't married, but we have spoken about it many times and he insists that he does want to marry me. I am 25, and most of my friends are married and have kids. Most of them say I should try to forgive him and move on and a few said I should just move on. We don't have any kids, but we do live together. I am torn.  do love him and want for it to work out, but a part of me can't shake the feeling that this will happen again. Any advice you can give me would be great.

In Love with a Real D-Bag


Dear D-Bag Lover:


You probably may know what I am going to tell you. That gut feeling you have? Yeah, you should try listening to it. If he cheats once and manages to get away with it, especially for as long as he did, I would bet my best pair of stiletto Carlos heels, that he will again. Leopards don't change their spots dear. That's just the facts of life. Sure, he may go a while without cheating, but soon he'll get that little stir and tickle that will make him anxious and itching for more action.

Now the tricky part: You still love him. NEWSFLASH: IF he LOVED YOU he WOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED ON YOU. Catch my drift? Sure he wants it to work out. It must be great to have some girl waiting around for him while he goes off and puts notches in his belt all over town. The best way to get over him is to GET AWAY from him. Get your own place. Cut off all communication and get on with your life. Give yourself a few months to be guy free. Take time to find yourself again and then if you feel like it, date. Or just go out and have a romping good time, but be safe and smart of course. Concentrate on you and YOUR needs.

I know it will be hard not to wonder what he is doing, etc. but you must resist reaching out, etc. Every time you have the urge to do so, try this little trick: Picture him with some other girl in very compromising situations and that should put that urge right to rest.

So what are you waiting for girl? Go ahead and grab that bag. It's time for you to take out the trash. And to get you motivated and moving in the right direction, here is a song for you.

All the best to you,

B.B.B.B.

Advice: You Need it, I Got it. FREE.

Recently I have had several people tell me I should open up my personal blog for giving some of my blunt, honest, non-sugar coated advice to people who could use it. So, I gave it some thought and decided to open up the floodgates to whomever should stumble across my brazen little blog and need a bit of advice in the areas of love, life, career, etc. Whatever plagues your mind, taxes your soul and prevents you from a  sound night's sleep that isn't induced by a drink.

If you would like some advice please send your request to:

bigbadblondeblogger@gmail.com

Arrival at Today, By Way of a Long Road.

A phone call came that sent shivers down my spine. It was voice from the past that even today, stirs raw emotion and memories of just how long one must run, not walk, down the road less traveled - especially if that road had a detour at abuse.

I didn't say a word, there was only a few slurred words, obviously induced from this person's favorite drink, going on about "us" and "all that happened" and then a final begging for my absolute forgiveness.  All I could say was "No." And I hung up the phone. This person had been gone for some time, so long in fact, I thought I would have forgotten what their voice sounded like. But the voices of your past remain whispers in the present, even silently so, serving as a reminder that though gone, they are never completely forgotten.

I sat there thinking about how long of a road one must go to overcome the scars that abuse, of any kind, can leave behind.  I have no shame in saying that what I endured was mostly mental/emotional/verbal until it escalated to physical. Being pushed around, thrown and wrestled to the point where you succumb and lay like a rag doll in defeat, if only to end the rage, end your fear and let the pain pass.

Some people are truly not worth the salt in our tears. These are the people that bring out the worst in us, make us into people that we don't even recognize and place on on a merry-go-'round from hell. I was one of the lucky ones who mustered up the strength, the nerve, and the moxy to tell this person that I was done and wanted out. Sure, I was fearful of the retribution and fallout, but I knew if I didn't walk away, I would be stuck in an endless cycle of unhappiness.

So that was it. In a weekend's time, I packed up everything that was mine and left. He wasn't home to object, to guilt, to anything. He was off, having his fun and I was quietly making arrangements for the rest of my life.

Happiness started the moment I walked out of that house for the last time and I have never looked back. Forgetting though, is something I will probably never be able to do. I still get panic stricken when people raise their voices around me, I cannot stand feeling trapped, if someone raises a hand around me I still flinch and partially cower like some beat animal and certain smells evoke a reaction of stomach turning.

Damaged goods? Perhaps so. But I like to think of the label as "Handle With Care." "Fragile Contents Inside." The boyfriend I have now is very understanding and perhaps a bit of a saint to engage in this delicate dance with me. He understands and doesn't get how a man could have been so mean to someone so small and friendly with an innocent outlook on life and the world (descriptors from others).

So ladies (and gents) - if you are in a relationship where you aren't being treated kindly, I can say to you it will be scary to go at first, but once you're gone, then you can start to fix what got broken in the process of. It's a long road, but the first step starts when you say "enough."