Sunday, March 21, 2010

Hurry Back to the Land of the Living.

Do you know what it feels like to walk around as if you are a ghost? To go through every day, one right after the other, always the same - just going through the motions of existing?

I do.

And I had been doing that for a very long time until something finally clicked and said "I'm not happy anymore." And I wasn't. For quite some time. Of course, I put my usual smile upon my face and carried on each day pretending not to feel that little pain from a piece of my former self dying each day, and crying from the hurt and deprivation of self.

I didn't know where this pain had stemmed from until I took a good long look in the mirror and realized that the source of my pain had been born out of of outright neglect - for me and my feelings. I had been a second thought, a thing taken for granted by so many. It's funny how we do that to each other sometimes. We don't realize how much we value a person until we haven't heard from them in a while and realize that we miss them, but in some cases it's too late. They no longer miss us and have moved onto greener pastures where people actually sit up and take notice and dare I say, stay in touch and not neglect each other.

I missed me. And I missed me dearly. My friends and family had enough of their own worries and the person I had leaned on the most, my rock, made me feel like only a small pebble in their presence. A lot of tears fell and a lot of soul-searching had been done before I decided to make the the choice to drastically change things in my life in order to keep from dying on the inside any more.

So, I changed. Drastically.

I decided to give up my freelancing job and lifestyle in order to take on a new kind of challenge - working as part of a team. I applied all around the country. I got several interviews/call-backs and even an offer or two. Then an opportunity presented itself that seemed like a great challenge for a company that I could really use all of my skills towards and make a difference. I accepted a role that allows me to use all my skills for a while, which will directly impact the future initiatives of the company.

In addition to this change, I began taking the whole getting fit a whole lot more serious and I decided to get a personal trainer and really stick to my guns to whip myself into the tip-top shape. I have just started, but can't wait to see the results in 3 months. Sure it will be a long and painful one, but I can't wait to be on a beach looking like a member of the Swedish Bikini Team (well sans the huge boobs).

But, I didn't stop there. I also decided to change homes too. I loved where I was living, really and truly loved it, but I knew it was time to breakout on my own again and find my own little space. Sometimes a change of address and scenery works wonders on the spirit. Until the "big" move, I will be with a dear friend of mine temporarily who graciously told me I could keep her and her pooches company for a spell, at least until the place I am moving to is done being rehabbed. Thank goodness for friends like that.

Big changes are happening. But all for the right reasons. I am not looking back at all. I am looking forward to all the good things and many new adventures in this crazy little things called life has in store for me. If I happen to pick up a few new faces along the way, so be it. If a few old ones decide to tag along too, hey, the more the merrier. No people that bring drama and negativity though, please. I am leaving that shit behind with any other unclaimed baggage...


Until the next time we chat all...

Be well.

Smooches...