Holiday Reflections.

Sometimes the best gifts don't come wrapped with a pretty bow and placed under a Christmas tree.
Often times with the holidays, we become wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of it all. It seems that with every year, the holidays become more and more commercialized, more materialisitic. We fuss about the perfect gifts, the perfect decor, the perfect attire to accompany our image for the parties, etc.

This year, I took one evening to take a drive and find some peace in the whirlwind that has been the past few months. During my drive I passed several holiday displays of lights and stopped at one. It was a very humble display of lights, but one that was hung with love. The front porch, bushes, and a tree or two, were strewn with white lights. It wasn't over-the-top, and it certainly wasn't keeping Ameren UE in business by any means. It made me smile.

I sat outside of that home and began to think of how much one's life can change in literally a year's time. And then I cried. I cried for how far I have come to get to this place of happiness, which is quite far. Looking back on it all, there was one thing that had remained a constant, despite so many changes.

That constant, resided in the home that I was sitting in front of, that has the humble lights that made me smile. It is the constant, the warmth and the comfort that is real, genuine, love. It is quite possibly the best gift of all.

This "gift" that is love, is my boyfriend. Through all of the changes I have experienced over the past year, he has stood by my side through it all. We have laughed together, traveled to foreign countries (while narrowly escaping cavity searches and death), shared the happiness that is gelato on a scorching day, and trips to no place in particular for the sake of exploring, meeting family and friends and yes, a few tears of laughter and a tear or two of sadness. He has been by my side through it all, my boyfriend, my best friend and love.


And that evening as I got out of the car and wiped away the tears and went inside the warm home and saw him sitting in his chair, watching football, and looking over to smile at me as if we hadn't seen each other in a zillion years (though I am sure it was only a few days), I knew I had the best gift of all.

Though my health isn't perfect, I know that having him and having each day with him is quite a gift in and of itself. I would trade a million tomorrows to know that I could have many more Christmases with him.

I'm Really Such a Lady (Sometimes).

Once upon time, in a Midwestern city there lived a gal who didn't really fit the status-quo of what a "lady" should be. Actually, she was a far cry from it.

Sure, she could slap on the makeup, do up the hair and step out in heels like the best of 'em, but it wasn't enough to hide who she really was.

She didn't like gossip. Loathed petty women with nothing more to do than to stir drama, and found sitting around bitching about men (an activity most women seem to do rather often) quite boring.

Most women found her to be peculiar, indeed, or just plain didn't like her for reasons she just didn't give a damn to ever know. Maybe it was her smile. Maybe it was her swell sense of humor. Or maybe it was because she had an knack for making darn good apple pie.

Well, this isn't a fairy tale as you all know, it's life. We've all got to suck it up and play the cards we are dealt. I've come to the conclusion long ago that in order to lead a more stress-free life, I had to quit trying to figure out why certain people approved or didn't approve of me.

What I learned was this: Insecurity and jealousy or just plain lack of knowledge or understanding leads people to do and think some pretty jacked up things. I grew sick and tired of trying to seek out people's approval in order to be "liked" or "have them as friends". I'll tell you this, most of the people that call themselves "friends" are the same assholes who will just use you for whatever purpose you can serve or fulfill to them at the time. That friends, is hardly a friend truly worth having.

Thanks, but I have enough of those "friends". I'll readily admit that there are some individuals out there who don't approve of things I've done (or didn't do but was accused of) and choices I've made, but their opinion is truly their opinion and frankly, I've got better things to occupy my time with than trying to change their views.

I've been known to openly express how I feel about certain things and never ask for forgiveness of what I am saying (which really pisses some people off for some reason), be a shameless flirt and sympathizer of (most) men, live out loud, dress in far from conservative outfits most of the time, and do everything else in excess pretty much most of the time. Yes, it's a real far cry from being a lady.

But somehow, I've managed to get to where I am and not look back with any regrets. Regret is a wasted emotion, anyhow. I like to think of myself as the female version of Kurt Vonnegut when it comes to writing (write now ask for forgiveness never) and have a twisted sense of humor like George Carlin. I drink a bit, have been known to enjoy a good cigar once in a while, and appreciate a nice looking butt. It's hard to imagine that I've never been made an honorary member of some boy's only club.

Sure my path hasn't been an easy one. In fact, I am sure it could have been much easier if I were to just "comply" to the roles that are the acceptable standard in our society, but I've never been compliant. I have a few ex boyfriends that will attest to the fact that I can be difficult to handle to say the least and one man who has found a way to balance me completely (I'm pretty sure he'll be up for sainthood at some point).

So to all the other gals out there who don't fit the title "lady", welcome to the club. You are not alone.

The Smartest Person Listens First, and Then Talks.

It used to be that I talked and talked and talked. It was just part of my natural, chatty personality, but then a while back I did something different.

I listened. I would just let people open up, and talk to me. It is amazing. I learn so much from clients, friends, and other contacts, etc. just by listening. and I am not talking about half-heartedly listening, but REALLY listening to that person intently. Every one of us, inherently, wants to be heard. We want to know that we are understood and matter. The smartest people do just that - they listen, reflect, and then respond.

I still continue to listen, like a an old friend exchanging banter in an intimate coffee shop. Nothing matters except giving that person my undivided attention. No cell phones. No looking around. Focusing on them. The response, is quite astonishing, really. By simply listening, we offer the assurance that we understand the other person, that we care about what they have to say, and for me, I really do. I love to listen. And yes, I still love to talk, but after I give the person I am meeting a proper chance to do so first.

Listening has enabled me to organize stories that I have heard from people - namely one project in particular - that I call the Bar Stool Stories. In my professional career, I have had to do lots of research that involved getting out there and making direct contact with the consumer, namely, in bars. I did this for agencies and private liquor/spirits/beverage clients. How I did not end up an alcoholic is still completely beyond me, but thank goodness for knowing limits and calling cabs.

I would start by smiling and saying hello. I would offer to buy that person their next round and ask them 'why' that drink of choice. Then I shut up. I sat and listened. Their choice in beverage was always, 100% of the time, tied to a back story. And those patrons were more than happy to share that with you and in some cases, their amazing stories about life, work, love and whatever else happened to pop in their minds.

I collected these stories, and have begun composing material for a book, based on these short, but amazing, stories. I've grouped them into categories. The first one is about love. People love to talk about love. How they are in it, got out of it, fell for it, happened upon it, ended it, etc. And this all came from just listening. Of course, I only know first names. Most people didn't give me a last name, and those that did are some that I still speak to today, but have agreed to leave their last names out of the book.

The insight that I got from making that connection with people yielded great information for my clients. People are more than happy to share an opinion on their drinking habits. I've gathered stories and opinions from anyone ranging from the CEO's of Fortune 500 companies, to middle managers to doctors, to authors, to professional escorts (yes, you read that right), to single Mom's and beyond. Nobody was off limits. It was whomever I happened to sit next to, or have sit next to me.

I look forward to wrapping up that first book and sharing it with the world. And if I can ever offer any one person a solid piece of advice that will serve you well in ALL situations, just listen. You'll be amazed at what you'll hear from your fellow human.


Best,

B.B.B.B

The Pursuit of Happiness - Giving My Secret Away.

Sometimes things happen, but always for a reason. We don't know why at the time, (and sometimes it's a real head scratcher) but you have to wonder if the universe has other plans for you.

It's kind of like getting the messaging "Stay Tuned" that we see in a news break on a major network. Stay Tuned? But for what? We go through a period of real doubt and general upset. But you must keep the faith that things will work themselves out as they should. The choices you make, the things that happen, it's all part of a bigger picture to which you only get to see a portion, sort of like the image in this post. Sure you see a smile, but you have no idea who this lady is, or even if it IS a lady, we don't know if there is something crazy going on in the background that is making her smile, etc. You get the idea. Sometimes life goes that way. We don't get the whole picture but we must believe that the whole picture is well worth the feeling of standing at the fork in the road and wondering which direction is the right one to pick.

Recently, I came to that fork in the road again and yes, I only have a part of the picture. Yeah, it's scary, but I have learned to just go with the flow - like a twig on the shoulder of a mighty river. Most people ask me how on earth I can bear such changes and uncertainty.  Here's how: I look at the positive. That's it. The moment I let doubt and worry creep in, I will move my spirit into the path medical professionals like to call depression.

I welcome change. I embrace it. I didn't used to. But, it's good for all of us to get a good shake up every now and then. Major life changes can be taken any way. Allow me to show you what I mean...

You can look at job loss as a loss, or you can choose to see it as the opportunity to pursue something you love and a chance to meet new people, flex your skills and perhaps, dare I say, end up where you are supposed to be for a while. You didn't LOSE anything. You GAINED a new lease on life, finding work you enjoy, or time off to travel, take up a new hobby, like collecting stamps, or work a job you never thought you would to keep busy till the next thing comes along (hello dog walker), volunteer, etc.

Getting divorced? You are not losing a spouse, you are embarking on the path to finding a love that will last. You are finding the "right" one. Or perhaps, you choose to rock the single thing for a while. Just think of all the interesting people you'll meet and new friends you'll add along the way.

These are just merely examples. Not that I have ever been divorced, nor can I claim to understand the pain that goes with all of that, but I have broken up with boyfriends and have been dumped myself - hey, it happens - but always for a reason. It's the only way you are able to find the one you are meant to be with. The same story goes with work. Yes, I've been hired and fired. They were all learning experiences that I was thankful to have. It led me to where I am today and that is a place of being able to welcome change. Plus, let's face it. No careers are forever. Not in our economy or our society. We do a job, sometimes for months, sometimes for years. Sometimes we make it VP, and sometimes we don't.

In all, it is just how you choose to see things that can make all the difference.

Be well happiness seekers and remember life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.

B.B.B.B.

B.B.B.B. Thoughts and Advice - Taking Out the Trash.

In my previous post, I opened up my blog to people seeking advice. It didn't take long for me to get some folks who want it and would rather not pay a counselor to hear it, or bore their friends with yet another hour of them drabbling on about the same subject that repeats like a broken record.

Enjoy your advice, In Love with a Real D-Bag. I hope it helps and feel free to spread the word.

Dear Big Bad Blonde Blogger:

Recently I found out my boyfriend of over 5 years has been cheating on me for about the last 9 months. When I found out, he apologized and swore that he would never cheat again and that he wanted for us to work things out. I am torn. I have tried to trust him since I found out all of this, but can't completely trust him 100%. I do want for it to work out since the last several years he has been great. We aren't married, but we have spoken about it many times and he insists that he does want to marry me. I am 25, and most of my friends are married and have kids. Most of them say I should try to forgive him and move on and a few said I should just move on. We don't have any kids, but we do live together. I am torn.  do love him and want for it to work out, but a part of me can't shake the feeling that this will happen again. Any advice you can give me would be great.

In Love with a Real D-Bag


Dear D-Bag Lover:


You probably may know what I am going to tell you. That gut feeling you have? Yeah, you should try listening to it. If he cheats once and manages to get away with it, especially for as long as he did, I would bet my best pair of stiletto Carlos heels, that he will again. Leopards don't change their spots dear. That's just the facts of life. Sure, he may go a while without cheating, but soon he'll get that little stir and tickle that will make him anxious and itching for more action.

Now the tricky part: You still love him. NEWSFLASH: IF he LOVED YOU he WOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED ON YOU. Catch my drift? Sure he wants it to work out. It must be great to have some girl waiting around for him while he goes off and puts notches in his belt all over town. The best way to get over him is to GET AWAY from him. Get your own place. Cut off all communication and get on with your life. Give yourself a few months to be guy free. Take time to find yourself again and then if you feel like it, date. Or just go out and have a romping good time, but be safe and smart of course. Concentrate on you and YOUR needs.

I know it will be hard not to wonder what he is doing, etc. but you must resist reaching out, etc. Every time you have the urge to do so, try this little trick: Picture him with some other girl in very compromising situations and that should put that urge right to rest.

So what are you waiting for girl? Go ahead and grab that bag. It's time for you to take out the trash. And to get you motivated and moving in the right direction, here is a song for you.

All the best to you,

B.B.B.B.

Advice: You Need it, I Got it. FREE.

Recently I have had several people tell me I should open up my personal blog for giving some of my blunt, honest, non-sugar coated advice to people who could use it. So, I gave it some thought and decided to open up the floodgates to whomever should stumble across my brazen little blog and need a bit of advice in the areas of love, life, career, etc. Whatever plagues your mind, taxes your soul and prevents you from a  sound night's sleep that isn't induced by a drink.

If you would like some advice please send your request to:

bigbadblondeblogger@gmail.com

Arrival at Today, By Way of a Long Road.

A phone call came that sent shivers down my spine. It was voice from the past that even today, stirs raw emotion and memories of just how long one must run, not walk, down the road less traveled - especially if that road had a detour at abuse.

I didn't say a word, there was only a few slurred words, obviously induced from this person's favorite drink, going on about "us" and "all that happened" and then a final begging for my absolute forgiveness.  All I could say was "No." And I hung up the phone. This person had been gone for some time, so long in fact, I thought I would have forgotten what their voice sounded like. But the voices of your past remain whispers in the present, even silently so, serving as a reminder that though gone, they are never completely forgotten.

I sat there thinking about how long of a road one must go to overcome the scars that abuse, of any kind, can leave behind.  I have no shame in saying that what I endured was mostly mental/emotional/verbal until it escalated to physical. Being pushed around, thrown and wrestled to the point where you succumb and lay like a rag doll in defeat, if only to end the rage, end your fear and let the pain pass.

Some people are truly not worth the salt in our tears. These are the people that bring out the worst in us, make us into people that we don't even recognize and place on on a merry-go-'round from hell. I was one of the lucky ones who mustered up the strength, the nerve, and the moxy to tell this person that I was done and wanted out. Sure, I was fearful of the retribution and fallout, but I knew if I didn't walk away, I would be stuck in an endless cycle of unhappiness.

So that was it. In a weekend's time, I packed up everything that was mine and left. He wasn't home to object, to guilt, to anything. He was off, having his fun and I was quietly making arrangements for the rest of my life.

Happiness started the moment I walked out of that house for the last time and I have never looked back. Forgetting though, is something I will probably never be able to do. I still get panic stricken when people raise their voices around me, I cannot stand feeling trapped, if someone raises a hand around me I still flinch and partially cower like some beat animal and certain smells evoke a reaction of stomach turning.

Damaged goods? Perhaps so. But I like to think of the label as "Handle With Care." "Fragile Contents Inside." The boyfriend I have now is very understanding and perhaps a bit of a saint to engage in this delicate dance with me. He understands and doesn't get how a man could have been so mean to someone so small and friendly with an innocent outlook on life and the world (descriptors from others).

So ladies (and gents) - if you are in a relationship where you aren't being treated kindly, I can say to you it will be scary to go at first, but once you're gone, then you can start to fix what got broken in the process of. It's a long road, but the first step starts when you say "enough."

Getting Ink'd

Have you ever seen the movie "True Romance"? It's a great film.

Anywho - the main character in it, Alabama, played by Patricia Arquette shows her love and thoughts for her boyfriend (and eventual husband) Clarence by writing on a napkin in a diner "You're So Cool" and giving it to him.


It sort of becomes a pivotal moment in the film that so much is really centered around. It's the idea of finding a love that you just connect with on so many levels and adore for the kindness, love and strength that they give you.

I think it's pretty darn sweet.



So, I knew I had been wanting to get a tattoo. But I could never exactly settle on what. I watched this film the other night and these were some of the more memorable quotes:


"I had to come all the way from the highway and byways of Tallahassee, Florida to MotorCity, Detroit to find my true love. If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would never have guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together. And til this day, the events that followed all still seems like a distant dream. But the dream was real and was to change our lives forever. I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and things seemed to be getting so shitty. And he'd say, "that's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too." That's the way romance is... Usually, that's the way it goes, but every once in awhile, it goes the other way too." - Alabama


Then there is this one, that explains "You're so Cool"...


"Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I'm not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and that things would be much as they are now. Perhaps. Except maybe I wouldn't have named our son Elvis."

After watching the movie and speaking to a friend of mine on the phone, I was told that I reminded that person of Alabama in some regards. I thought about it and eventually agreed. Her life was no picnic, but somehow she found a way to love again despite all the heartache and hardships she had to endure in her life. It's life and one of the most wonderful parts of living is falling in love with someone else and most importantly - yourself.

I have come to a place in my life where I can honestly love myself for who I am - all of me. Sure some parts will always be open for change, but my spirit and personality - something that I had many people be critical of for so many years, is loved just the way it is. It's wonderful to feel that way about yourself and to have found another person who thinks it's pretty darn cool too.

So my ink? I will be getting "You're So Cool." Tatt'd on me as a reminder that no matter what, I am pretty darn cool and special not only to myself, but to those that love me as well.

It's been a long road, but I am glad I've arrived at this place. At the intersection of love and life and for once I don't have to choose. I can sit in this time and relish.

I'll place pictures up when I get it done and it has healed...

Best,

A

Hard to Find.

Sometimes a song is best to express what is going through your head when ordinary words can never be arranged to truly convey what you are feeling.

If you've read my blog, you know I have typically had a slightly jaded view on men/romance and all that jazz and with good reason. I have spent plenty of nights crying and cursing men, or just the last man to of crossed me and/or broke my heart. I felt that the whole lot of them were all the same. I had gotten to the point where I had begun to lump every single one of them together - as jerks. By default because of the actions of a few.

This is simply not the case dear reader. I am here to tell you today that good men ARE out there. Now I've met every possible cad, cheat, liar, creep and bastard that fancied himself a worthy catch only for me to discover that beneath that so called sweet demeanor was a not so nice guy who just had learned to work an angle.

I was cautious. I was protective. I was sure that I would not find myself falling for the usual song and dance routine from would-be suitors when I found myself single again. Then, I stumbled upon a man at a chance encounter, and what began as just friendly banter soon began to take the shape of something else entirely.

At first, I dismissed it. I had no business even thinking about men, after all, I had swore them off for the "last" time. Somehow we have the best of intentions but follow-through becomes the problem. And I am glad I have never been very good at follow through.

You see, I met this man. Notice I didn't say "guy" or "dude". I say man because he is mature and from every action and indication, knows how to treat a woman. He is unconditionally sweet, kind and thoughtful. And frankly, I have never come across a man like him before. I look into his eyes and see nothing but sincerity. The best part of all, he makes me feel special, adored beyond anything else and beautiful and as if I he is lucky to have found a gal like me.

My faith is starting to be restored in men day by day, thanks in part to the good one that I have found. I hope he knows that there isn't a day when I don't think just how lucky I am and happy that I took that chance because a good man, is indeed hard to find. Sometimes it's when you're not looking is the very moment you'll find one.

Best,

Anne

It's Not Dirty Laundry When it's in Your Book.

So this post had been started months ago and never finished. But today for a bit, I've decided to be a murderer and kill some time. Wrapping up lose ends, cleaning out the closets and purging. And by the way, for those of you that wonder how I can say some of the things I say on this blog, it's called MY BLOG. If you don't like it or approve of it, then don't  read it. Really. There are plenty other blogs to browse. This just happens to be my little corner.

I had been wanting to say that for a few weeks now after I got an email stating that I should watch some of the things that I say on my blog for fear of what others might construe. And to that all I have to say is I am wrapping up details on my book and guess what, when you are an author and what you write is loosely based on your actual life, a blog doesn't mean squat. People will construe and say what they wish and think what they want. It's an opinion. I don't need approval from those folks. Two opinions matter. My own and the one  judging me once I kick the bucket. That's it. Besides that, what I write here is for fun, and another side of my life. The writing I do is for fun on here. It's a place to share thoughts, as so long as they don't jack with professional goings on. I keep a lid on that stuff.

Over the past few months I had several people call/email/text - wanting to know what was going on with me and why I had dropped off from the face of the earth or, their radar at least. Well kiddies, it's called major life changes. We all go through them.

I'll start from the beginning...

I had went through a brief period of heartbreak (note: if he is not totally honest to you once, it will not only be once and it was never once in the first place) and had time to lick my wounds, swear off men and then suddenly find myself being courted by a man with whom I would have never of imagined would even considered me (more on that next post). The ex and I agreed to keep the split on the DL since we both know so many of the same people. Long story short, a good deal of talking and we both realized are good people, and better served remaining amicable friends. And it's weird, but for the first time after several months I can now look at this person in whole new light. Not the one of anger and bitterness while I would fight back the tears, but one of the real genuine want to be friends - as we were before we let love seep in. It's kind of crazy since I have never really remained friends with my exs but that's because most of them were just jackasses anyways.

Soon, I found myself packing up and moving in with a  friend who now is more like a sister to me. Frankly, I am blessed to have such a kind person to call a roomie and a very dear friend. She's stayed up late talking to me when I was hurt, killed time getting pedicures and shopping for the perfect red heels with me and we've shared more laughs than I can remember having in a long while - in all, she is a wonderful human being. The new abode is nice. I thought I would only be there temporarily, but now it seems that I might be staying longer. I can't wait to help her rehab and update her place to make it into the catalog pictures she's only imagined it could be.

As if those two things weren't enough on their own, I started a new gig, to which I can't discuss here, confidentiality matters, so we'll just leave it at that.

I got onto a fitness bend and have been doing good with it so far. A few more lbs to go and I will be back at being a buck twenty but all solid, with muscle. So if I weigh more and look great, that is ok. Hey, I'm only 5'2, mind you. Us short people have to watch it. We aren't going to get taller to outgrow a few extra pounds.

That brings me to today. Here I am. Stronger than ever before and really and truly happy. I have also been cutting drama out of my life, which is great. I highly recommend cutting the ties with people or things that cause you stress. You'll feel all the better for it.

Till next post,

A

A Good Knight.

To My Knight:

I don't know if it was fate that brought you to me, but often times, I think it was.

As I sit and look outside my window and stare out into the night sky, I sit and often think about you.

I see your warm smile and inviting eyes and think about you wrapping your arms around me or holding my hand, just because "it fits". I hear your laughter and I smile from the very core of my soul knowing that I am the one who brings you to grin, stirs you to blush and moves your eyes you look at me, in utter amazement.

You make me feel adored, respected and beautiful and most of all - you make me happy.

As each day goes by and as we are drawn closer together sharing stories, sharing secrets and sharing time in each others' lives, know that you are so dear to me and I cherish you, as you are, a knight - my knight...

Hurry Back to the Land of the Living.

Do you know what it feels like to walk around as if you are a ghost? To go through every day, one right after the other, always the same - just going through the motions of existing?

I do.

And I had been doing that for a very long time until something finally clicked and said "I'm not happy anymore." And I wasn't. For quite some time. Of course, I put my usual smile upon my face and carried on each day pretending not to feel that little pain from a piece of my former self dying each day, and crying from the hurt and deprivation of self.

I didn't know where this pain had stemmed from until I took a good long look in the mirror and realized that the source of my pain had been born out of of outright neglect - for me and my feelings. I had been a second thought, a thing taken for granted by so many. It's funny how we do that to each other sometimes. We don't realize how much we value a person until we haven't heard from them in a while and realize that we miss them, but in some cases it's too late. They no longer miss us and have moved onto greener pastures where people actually sit up and take notice and dare I say, stay in touch and not neglect each other.

I missed me. And I missed me dearly. My friends and family had enough of their own worries and the person I had leaned on the most, my rock, made me feel like only a small pebble in their presence. A lot of tears fell and a lot of soul-searching had been done before I decided to make the the choice to drastically change things in my life in order to keep from dying on the inside any more.

So, I changed. Drastically.

I decided to give up my freelancing job and lifestyle in order to take on a new kind of challenge - working as part of a team. I applied all around the country. I got several interviews/call-backs and even an offer or two. Then an opportunity presented itself that seemed like a great challenge for a company that I could really use all of my skills towards and make a difference. I accepted a role that allows me to use all my skills for a while, which will directly impact the future initiatives of the company.

In addition to this change, I began taking the whole getting fit a whole lot more serious and I decided to get a personal trainer and really stick to my guns to whip myself into the tip-top shape. I have just started, but can't wait to see the results in 3 months. Sure it will be a long and painful one, but I can't wait to be on a beach looking like a member of the Swedish Bikini Team (well sans the huge boobs).

But, I didn't stop there. I also decided to change homes too. I loved where I was living, really and truly loved it, but I knew it was time to breakout on my own again and find my own little space. Sometimes a change of address and scenery works wonders on the spirit. Until the "big" move, I will be with a dear friend of mine temporarily who graciously told me I could keep her and her pooches company for a spell, at least until the place I am moving to is done being rehabbed. Thank goodness for friends like that.

Big changes are happening. But all for the right reasons. I am not looking back at all. I am looking forward to all the good things and many new adventures in this crazy little things called life has in store for me. If I happen to pick up a few new faces along the way, so be it. If a few old ones decide to tag along too, hey, the more the merrier. No people that bring drama and negativity though, please. I am leaving that shit behind with any other unclaimed baggage...


Until the next time we chat all...

Be well.

Smooches...

(un)Flawless

It's amazing talking to women sometimes. We sit around comparing ourselves to other more "pretty" women than ourselves, we all have that ugly little jealous streak of a girl that we think has it all, we undermine each other. You don't see men doing stuff like that (well not in those exact ways).

It's really incredible that some women think so little of themselves. When talking to a friend the other day, she griped to me about how she wishes she could spend one day looking like me. I had to laugh at her comment. She grew quiet with me on the phone and told me that she was being serious. I had to laugh even harder and explain to her my secret for looking good.

"I smile on the inside and it reflects on the outside." I told her that if would really and truly believe that she was pretty and carry herself as such, men would notice. I have seen women of all shapes and sizes and appearances attract men no matter WHAT they look like. Don't beleive me? Go to Wal-Mart sometime or any given festival. You'll see what I mean.

Those women may not look like a supermodel, but they exude confidence and believe that they truly are pretty in their own right - and they are. We are all beautiful in our own way. And let's keep in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

My friend still wasn't getting the point so she flatly asked me what was "wrong" with me.  "You are like, flawless" she insisted. This is hardly the case and I explained to her that I wasn't without flaws.

"I have flaws. Plenty of them. Most of them you can't see readily, but they are there - trust me. I have just learned to play up my best features, work on the ones that I can improve and forgive the rest. Because you can't fix everything. Any geneticist would agree with me on that."

"I still think you are full of it," and she held the line waiting for me to spill the beans, if only to build her own fragile ego. So, I obliged because I am confident about myself and if someone doesn't think I am pretty, etc. well, that's their opinion. And we all have those.

"My flaws are as follows," I began.

"I have a 2 inch long scar on my left leg that doesn't tan.

I had to wear braces for 5 years of my life and still have to wear retainers to keep them in order.

My hair color? Yeah - it's not mine. I color it because I have some gray - yes, even at my age. And it is fine, so it is kind of flat by default.

I have a few spider-veins on the back of my one leg. Don't know how I got 'em but they are small and there and annoying. I also have a  birthmark on my calf muscle shaped like the island of Crete.

My thighs - yup - they are aplenty because I rode a mountain bike for a long time and built them up. I could probably crush ribs in a wrestling match with those...

I am short. I am barely 5'2". Try shopping for clothes like that. I still have to go to the JUNIORS section to find stuff that will fit.

I have a butt. And not just any butt. It rivals that of J-Lo. Which can make jeans shopping less than fun and while we are on that kick, I am small on top. No Pamela Anderson for me. So basically, I am shaped like a bowling pin and/or penguin.

(By now she was laughing.)

I have to wear contact lenses because I am as blind as a bat and when I am not in those, I wear glasses. Yes, glasses.

My skin isn't perfect. Lord knows I go through great effort to keep it relatively blemish free, but guess what? I still get the occasional breakout.

I don't glisten in the heat like most women. Nope, I sweat. I swear, I could sweat about as much as any man. Summers mean going through great measures to remain smelling sweet like a flower.

Is that enough?"

By now she was hysterical on the phone. "WOW! You're a hot-mess!" she said.

I could tell that I had made her feel a bit better about herself. And with that we hung up after chatting a bit more. I couldn't helped but after to stop and look in the mirror and smile because to me, my flaws don't matter. I am still cute in my way. I may not be Angelina Jolie, but I have confidence that could rival hers. And the last time I checked, I wasn't short of guys who find me cute, too.

Talk to all you cats later...

A

Love: Isn't All You Need

With Valentine's Day fast approaching and the throngs of star-crossed lovebirds chasing down that perfect card from Hallmark and extra special gift for their significant other, I cannot help but to laugh. I laugh because you can keep love my friend. What is love really?

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that? It is a shallow set of 3 otherwise meaningless words that when plugged into a sentence together, is supposed to signify more than words can say. That we above all else, adore someone to the extent that we feel inclined to mutter those 3 words together in order to signify our devotion to them.

I save love for people I know aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Namely, my family and dearest friends - but even time will only tell with them. I only love the people that should they exit my life, I would probably shed some tears over. Now that's love. To me, at least. I've cried over more pets and dear people than I have over former "loves".

If I really and truly love someone, I choose to share my life (or some aspect of it) with them. I let them into my world and all that goes on in it. Sure, I may have "loved" my exs - but let's face it, muttering those words were an act of compliance and obligation. He "loved" me and I of course cared deeply for him. So, I "loved" him. I can tell you this though - if any of my exs were to exit my life entirely (I'm talking meeting their maker) I probably would feel sorry for their families, but I wouldn't cry over them. Because I really and truly didn't "love" them deeply enough in the first place.

Cold? Perhaps so. But love holds a higher value to me. Do I "love" anyone? Well, I might like someone an absolute lot and "love" the person I am closest too at the moment, but if they should leave on their own accord, that "love" fades.

And so it goes sometimes. People fall in and out of love and the whole notion is rather sickening. We as people like the thrill and rush from it all. New love. New things. Sometimes though, you are lucky enough to have real and true love - old love that through the years, you just love and adore that person even more - like a wine. It only gets better with time.

I'll take happiness over love any day. Happiness in the time I share with someone. Happiness in my own life.

To me, happiness isn't a source of pain, anger, frustration (and more). But, there aren't many happiness songs. Well, maybe a few - but those are few and far between. Love on the other hand - you just can't seem to escape on the radio. Good love. Real love. Bad love. Tragic love and so on. That shit is everywhere. You can't seem to avoid it.

Happiness is just that. Happy. Content. Glad and joyous of each moment. Wouldn't you much prefer to have a whole lot of that with someone - all the time?

Sounds like a good deal to me.

So to all of you in love or loving someone - have a great day of meeting that obligation. I'll be in pursuit of happiness that day and I'm sure it can be found without a card, 3 words, flowers or chocolates...

Best,

A

Some Men Got it. Some Men Don't. [Here's How to Get Some...]

Recently I met and had drinks with a guy friend. He began to explain to me his dating woes. He had come to the conclusion women only want the men that are just complete jerks to them and that there really wasn't any room for the "nice guy" anymore.

I of course had to laugh when I heard that. Sure, women seem to be more and more drawn to the complete and utter douchebags/bad-boy wannabes (if reality TV is any indication) but most of the women drawn to that type are:

1.) Immature

2.) Have no class/taste

Case in point: The show "Jersey Shores", It is quite popular amongst the young'uns nowadays, and it would seem that women pine after the male stars who are the douchebag type because the women who like these men are of course, immature and have little to no class or taste.

So men: First and foremost, try aiming for the women around your own age bracket or who actually have an I.Q.  Leave the jail-bait at home. Sure it's nice to have the arm candy that lacks brains and dresses in the finest adornments from Fredrick's of Hollywood, but eventually, you'll begin to long for a girl who also fits the bill of arm candy, has a brain and has a fondness for La Perla and dresses for the occasion (and not just to show it all off all of the time).

All that aside, the problem that most men lack is that "edge" that women want. Think of it as this: a gentleman with a solid dose of confidence - meaning, he is to be respected. Firmness to keep himself from being walked on, but a softer side that isn't too good to pick up flowers "just because".

Think of the actor Cary Grant or for those of you who have no clue who he is (and shame on you for not) think of the actor George Clooney. What both these men have about them that draws women to them in throngs (even though Grant is dead, his reputation lives on for his women skills) is that self-assurance of confidence blended with humor, humility, being debonair and demanding respect.

It's sort of like James Bond - only you don't bolt in the morning for us never to hear from you again.

Don't get me wrong - all those guys still have that slight bad-boy streak to them, but they also keep it classy and smooth while still being generally nice and respectful of women.

Trust me fellas: WOMEN NOTICE THIS. AND WE LIKE IT.

We are all fans of the guy who can class it up and can bum around in a t-shirt and jeans all while being confident but not cocky. No girl wants the guy who is full of himself. We see it as a big red flag that odds are: he pulls a lot of tail and will eventually break our hearts.

I had an ex who was one such species (Mr. Full of Himself). I of course thought he was just confident. He also had the humor, softer side, blah, blah, blah... but now that I really have had an opportunity to really look back on it, he was cocky. He was beyond cocky. And he treated me as if I were never good enough. He gave me just enough attention/affection to keep me coming back for more (shame on me).

Eventually Mr. Full of Himself got real old. He did indeed break my heart and while with him, it was always public info. that due to his looks, he could get any woman he wanted, simply by being there. I learned from that and avoid men like that like I avoid White Castles without good cause.

So some tips to see what those Cary Grant types do to win women over:

They smile. They take actual interest in what a lady is saying. They are confident enough to ask for a  number and follow-up with a nice, well planned for date in which he keeps his hands to himself. A good-night smooch is one thing, pawing at us like some dog in heat is another.

They call when they say they will and they keep their word. They leave the games where they belong - on the playground. They make themselves available, but not so much that they seem desperate. They have lives - real lives - with jobs and responsibilities and friends/outside interests. They take things in a relationship at a nice, normal pace and don't become overbearing or worse, possessive/jealous.

They aren't just around for a "good time" and are gone. No, these gents make it appoint to make a woman a part of their lives in some fashion or other. Even if the dating doesn't work out, he remains a friend and gets the jackpot - a friendship with a woman who has access to (tada) more women. And if you are a gentleman, trust me, word travels fast amongst the females.

Ever notice some smoking hot girl on what would appear to be some average guy's arm? Well chances are, he's met the criteria and got past the pre-screening process. He is a gentleman and she'll hang onto him until he proves himself otherwise.

Guys that are push-overs, jerks, act immature (and the list goes on and on) always get found out and always find themselves single (or with some trashy drama queen who acts like a a teeny-bopper). The reason: Some woman recognized those bad characterisitcs and got tired of his shit (thus kicking him to the curb).

Well fellas,  hope this helps. Women still want the nice guys, we just want him to have a  bit of an edge without being a total dick. Make sense?

Happy hunting...

The Hardest Word to Say.

Why is it as people, some of us find it hard to simply just apologize? Why is that?

Apologize for being rude. Apologize for snagging the last good item from the vending machine. Apologize for doing something really screwed up to someone else. Just apologize.

I don't get it. I apologize. And when I do, I mean it.

I hurt your feelings? Sorry. I bumped your beer and made it splash on you? Sorry. Let me get you a fresh one. I failed to let you speed through the yellow light? Sorry. (But, it was for your own safety.)

You get the idea.

So folks, you screw up, admit it. Even if you have the most remote inkling that you did something that warrants an apology, say it. And mean it. It really does matter to people.

In the past few months I have had people do some pretty rude things to/towards me. They never apologized. They went on like their actions were perfectly acceptable. They weren't. And still aren't. I haven't forgotten and yes, when you get around to it, I would appreciate an apology.

Just sayin...

Cry for Me.

Seeing a man, well any man, cry stirs emotion in any of us - especially women. Men are expected by our society to be pillars and examples of strength and courage. Unwavering and collected. As a woman, to see a man cry, a signal in our heads goes off and we rush into action to comfort.

But I am perplexed. Why is it, most men will not openly discuss and tell you what is going on to upset them so? Do they think we cannot see it all over their faces? And when the tears (the evidence that all is not right) come, do really believe that they can go on and dismiss a moment of being human as perceived weakness?

I once had a gal-pal of mine tell me that when she sees a man cry, it disgusts her. Her exact words were "I need a man to be strong and if he is crying that is being a wuss. And wusses are not attractive at all." Wow. Talk about a heartless you-know-what. Her opinion, though and I am sure she is not the only one that feels that way.

The other day, I took some time to catch up with a guy friend of mine who happened to be in town. I hadn't seen him in a great long while and as we were catching up, I could see his face that something was clearly bothering him. I asked him and he dismissed it, and changed topics right away. I didn't press the issue, but deep down, I really wanted to know, so that I could just listen. Because sometimes, that's all we want - to be heard.

As we sat there chatting about his life, he approached the subject of his dating life. He had a string of relationships that went from serious to seriously over. The women he dated were always of the same type: beautiful on the outside, but painfully shallow (and at times brainless) on the inside. He had his heart tore out a few times by some very thoughtless women and even had one girl dump him in favor of a colleague of his. She even sent him a wedding invite. This was his history.

It was as we were sitting there that he began to well up with tears. I had never seen him like this before. He kept excusing himself and feverishly wiped his face. Finally, he put his face in his hands and just - cried. I moved closer to him and he put his head on my shoulder and cried into it, much like a child would.

I didn't mind. He then sat up and looked at me, with tears clouding his eyes and he said, just once I want someone to cry for me (sorry, I felt like this blog posting needed a song to go with it. Great song too - btw). I didn't understand. He looked at me and told me that he was tired of having his heart broken again and again. He swore that this time, he would be doing the breaking of hearts or just not getting serious at all.

I warned him against doing that. "Eventually," I said "You are going to meet a girl that you think is just some passing phase. And while you are busy pursuing every other little miss piece of something, you'll be missing out on quite possibly the best thing that could ever happen to you, because you'll be too wrapped in the next thing you conquer to see it. And by then my friend, she'll see you for what you are, not WHO you really are and she'll grow tired of it all and be gone."

He sat there and stared at me. His crying had stopped. I sat there not knowing what I had said or done. We sat with just stillness. He leaned forward and hugged me. "Thank, you" he said. I wasn't sure what I done, but I sat there looking at him. Then for some unknown reason, I began to cry. He started to laugh. "Why are YOU crying?"

"I just WISH for ONCE in your life you'd pull your head out of your ass." "I know" he said rather quietly. "I don't like to see you so upset" I told him. "It's just hard sometimes" he began. " I am too good to these women and I always get the same results. Maybe it's time I try fishing in other ponds." "Maybe you should try the ocean. There is a much better variety I hear." He laughed and stood up. Happiness crawled back over his face and he grabbed his coat to go.

"Anne?" he said. "Do me a favor. Write all this stuff done and sell it in a book. Men need to hear this sort of stuff every now and again." I agreed. "And one other thing...." he stopped and turned to look at me.

"I hope that guy eventually sees it. Or he will be missing out on the greatest thing that could ever happen to him." And with that, he stepped out the door.

I don't think I will see him again for some time. But he did text me and thank me for just letting him "have a good cry". I do hope that the next girl that comes along for him will do the same thing. Sometimes all a guy needs is to cry and to be heard. Sure I will always be his friend, but I would like to think that every man has a woman like this that they can turn to.

 

5 Minutes

Sometimes all it takes is 5 minutes to snap us back into reality.

Sometimes 5 minutes is all we need to be reminded that sometimes it is a little more than luck that gets us through the day.

Sometimes 5 minutes ends one life and spares another with no reason at all.

The car zipped around the curve in the dark, radio turned up, playing "Cry For Me" by Solomon Burke. As it rounded the bend, there was the sign of an accident - a car, flipped over with no sign of the driver hanging upside-down. Another car was on scene and racing towards the road, frantically waving. The accident must have just occurred.

The Nissan Sentra screached on its brakes and pulled over immediately to assist. A man, sheet white with fear, ran towards the car. "I already called the police. But, but the driver - the driver is gone. They got thrown from the vehicle. I saw the whole thing. They swerved to miss a deer in the road instead of taking the hit head on..."

'Where is the driver!?' I said to the man, who was obviously in shock.

"Over there..."

I turned to go over to see if I could be of any help. He grabbed me by the arm.

"No, no! Don't go over there. They didn't make it. No signs of life. I already checked..."

The man excused himself to get sick.

I did not wish to see the gore, but was concerned that maybe, just maybe, this person was in fact still alive, but clinging on by a thread. I went over and saw for myself something that I am sure a person will never forget.

The young woman's body was a twisted mess and her head pointed in a direction that indicated that clearly, her neck was broken. There was indeed no signs of life.

I went back over by the man, shook up and upset. "That poor woman. I found some of her stuff over there in the field. The cops are on their way, I hear them. I am going to give this to them" he said.

I asked if he needed any further help. "No. No. Thank you for pulling over. I just couldn't..." and he began to cry. "I've never seen something like that before." I hugged him and he did the same. The cops arrived on the scene along with an ambulance. The man gave his statement, I had nothing to add.

"5 minutes" the man said looking at me. That is all it took. You were 5 minutes exactly behind her. I saw the clock on my radio right when it happened."

This sent chills up and down my spine. Had I left from my location  without giving good-bye hugs, I very well would have been this woman.

In 5 minutes, my life could have ended. In those 5 minutes I became more thankful than ever before for hugs and for being just 5 minutes later on the road than I had wanted.