Recently I met and had drinks with a guy friend. He began to explain to me his dating woes. He had come to the conclusion women only want the men that are just complete jerks to them and that there really wasn't any room for the "nice guy" anymore.
I of course had to laugh when I heard that. Sure, women seem to be more and more drawn to the complete and utter douchebags/bad-boy wannabes (if reality TV is any indication) but most of the women drawn to that type are:
1.) Immature
2.) Have no class/taste
Case in point: The show "Jersey Shores", It is quite popular amongst the young'uns nowadays, and it would seem that women pine after the male stars who are the douchebag type because the women who like these men are of course, immature and have little to no class or taste.
So men: First and foremost, try aiming for the women around your own age bracket or who actually have an I.Q. Leave the jail-bait at home. Sure it's nice to have the arm candy that lacks brains and dresses in the finest adornments from Fredrick's of Hollywood, but eventually, you'll begin to long for a girl who also fits the bill of arm candy, has a brain and has a fondness for La Perla and dresses for the occasion (and not just to show it all off all of the time).
All that aside, the problem that most men lack is that "edge" that women want. Think of it as this: a gentleman with a solid dose of confidence - meaning, he is to be respected. Firmness to keep himself from being walked on, but a softer side that isn't too good to pick up flowers "just because".
Think of the actor Cary Grant or for those of you who have no clue who he is (and shame on you for not) think of the actor George Clooney. What both these men have about them that draws women to them in throngs (even though Grant is dead, his reputation lives on for his women skills) is that self-assurance of confidence blended with humor, humility, being debonair and demanding respect.
It's sort of like James Bond - only you don't bolt in the morning for us never to hear from you again.
Don't get me wrong - all those guys still have that slight bad-boy streak to them, but they also keep it classy and smooth while still being generally nice and respectful of women.
Trust me fellas: WOMEN NOTICE THIS. AND WE LIKE IT.
We are all fans of the guy who can class it up and can bum around in a t-shirt and jeans all while being confident but not cocky. No girl wants the guy who is full of himself. We see it as a big red flag that odds are: he pulls a lot of tail and will eventually break our hearts.
I had an ex who was one such species (Mr. Full of Himself). I of course thought he was just confident. He also had the humor, softer side, blah, blah, blah... but now that I really have had an opportunity to really look back on it, he was cocky. He was beyond cocky. And he treated me as if I were never good enough. He gave me just enough attention/affection to keep me coming back for more (shame on me).
Eventually Mr. Full of Himself got real old. He did indeed break my heart and while with him, it was always public info. that due to his looks, he could get any woman he wanted, simply by being there. I learned from that and avoid men like that like I avoid White Castles without good cause.
So some tips to see what those Cary Grant types do to win women over:
They smile. They take actual interest in what a lady is saying. They are confident enough to ask for a number and follow-up with a nice, well planned for date in which he keeps his hands to himself. A good-night smooch is one thing, pawing at us like some dog in heat is another.
They call when they say they will and they keep their word. They leave the games where they belong - on the playground. They make themselves available, but not so much that they seem desperate. They have lives - real lives - with jobs and responsibilities and friends/outside interests. They take things in a relationship at a nice, normal pace and don't become overbearing or worse, possessive/jealous.
They aren't just around for a "good time" and are gone. No, these gents make it appoint to make a woman a part of their lives in some fashion or other. Even if the dating doesn't work out, he remains a friend and gets the jackpot - a friendship with a woman who has access to (tada) more women. And if you are a gentleman, trust me, word travels fast amongst the females.
Ever notice some smoking hot girl on what would appear to be some average guy's arm? Well chances are, he's met the criteria and got past the pre-screening process. He is a gentleman and she'll hang onto him until he proves himself otherwise.
Guys that are push-overs, jerks, act immature (and the list goes on and on) always get found out and always find themselves single (or with some trashy drama queen who acts like a a teeny-bopper). The reason: Some woman recognized those bad characterisitcs and got tired of his shit (thus kicking him to the curb).
Well fellas, hope this helps. Women still want the nice guys, we just want him to have a bit of an edge without being a total dick. Make sense?
Happy hunting...
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