Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Getting Ink'd

Have you ever seen the movie "True Romance"? It's a great film.

Anywho - the main character in it, Alabama, played by Patricia Arquette shows her love and thoughts for her boyfriend (and eventual husband) Clarence by writing on a napkin in a diner "You're So Cool" and giving it to him.

It sort of becomes a pivotal moment in the film that so much is really centered around. It's the idea of finding a love that you just connect with on so many levels and adore for the kindness, love and strength that they give you.

I think it's pretty darn sweet.

So, I knew I had been wanting to get a tattoo. But I could never exactly settle on what. I watched this film the other night and these were some of the more memorable quotes:

"I had to come all the way from the highway and byways of Tallahassee, Florida to MotorCity, Detroit to find my true love. If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would never have guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together. And til this day, the events that followed all still seems like a distant dream. But the dream was real and was to change our lives forever. I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and things seemed to be getting so shitty. And he'd say, "that's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too." That's the way romance is... Usually, that's the way it goes, but every once in awhile, it goes the other way too." - Alabama

Then there is this one, that explains "You're so Cool"...

"Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I'm not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and that things would be much as they are now. Perhaps. Except maybe I wouldn't have named our son Elvis."

After watching the movie and speaking to a friend of mine on the phone, I was told that I reminded that person of Alabama in some regards. I thought about it and eventually agreed. Her life was no picnic, but somehow she found a way to love again despite all the heartache and hardships she had to endure in her life. It's life and one of the most wonderful parts of living is falling in love with someone else and most importantly - yourself.

I have come to a place in my life where I can honestly love myself for who I am - all of me. Sure some parts will always be open for change, but my spirit and personality - something that I had many people be critical of for so many years, is loved just the way it is. It's wonderful to feel that way about yourself and to have found another person who thinks it's pretty darn cool too.

So my ink? I will be getting "You're So Cool." Tatt'd on me as a reminder that no matter what, I am pretty darn cool and special not only to myself, but to those that love me as well.

It's been a long road, but I am glad I've arrived at this place. At the intersection of love and life and for once I don't have to choose. I can sit in this time and relish.

I'll place pictures up when I get it done and it has healed...



Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hard to Find.

Sometimes a song is best to express what is going through your head when ordinary words can never be arranged to truly convey what you are feeling.

If you've read my blog, you know I have typically had a slightly jaded view on men/romance and all that jazz and with good reason. I have spent plenty of nights crying and cursing men, or just the last man to of crossed me and/or broke my heart. I felt that the whole lot of them were all the same. I had gotten to the point where I had begun to lump every single one of them together - as jerks. By default because of the actions of a few.

This is simply not the case dear reader. I am here to tell you today that good men ARE out there. Now I've met every possible cad, cheat, liar, creep and bastard that fancied himself a worthy catch only for me to discover that beneath that so called sweet demeanor was a not so nice guy who just had learned to work an angle.

I was cautious. I was protective. I was sure that I would not find myself falling for the usual song and dance routine from would-be suitors when I found myself single again. Then, I stumbled upon a man at a chance encounter, and what began as just friendly banter soon began to take the shape of something else entirely.

At first, I dismissed it. I had no business even thinking about men, after all, I had swore them off for the "last" time. Somehow we have the best of intentions but follow-through becomes the problem. And I am glad I have never been very good at follow through.

You see, I met this man. Notice I didn't say "guy" or "dude". I say man because he is mature and from every action and indication, knows how to treat a woman. He is unconditionally sweet, kind and thoughtful. And frankly, I have never come across a man like him before. I look into his eyes and see nothing but sincerity. The best part of all, he makes me feel special, adored beyond anything else and beautiful and as if I he is lucky to have found a gal like me.

My faith is starting to be restored in men day by day, thanks in part to the good one that I have found. I hope he knows that there isn't a day when I don't think just how lucky I am and happy that I took that chance because a good man, is indeed hard to find. Sometimes it's when you're not looking is the very moment you'll find one.