Monday, November 30, 2009

Going to Jamaica.



Do you see that spot? No, no the one left of the shady palm tree, right there in the warm sun, yeah - that spot.

That is where I will be very soon. I don't plan to move from it until it is time for me to get back on a plane. Seriously. Or at least until it is time for me to wander up the beach to the food shacks to get some chow.

Other than that it will be me, the sun, the sand, some seagulls and a good book or two. But I plan on mostly napping like some lazy cat. I have been going nonstop for the last several months with freelance work, contract work stints, interviews, client meetings and whatnot. And I am in short, utterly exhausted.

So I plan to unwind and recharge the old batteries and plot out my big goals and plans for the next year or so, much as I did on the last tropical retreat I took. It is amazing that when you are away from life's daily stress triggers how you can just clear your mind and be at peace to think.

No laundry to do, no phone calls to return, no endless obligations to keep track of, nothing but just existing and "being". Sure I will be taking a jaunt to a city to handle some business-related stuff and talk a a few people whom will also be on the island during my stay, but that won't consume all of my time.

So, don't be disappointed that I am not frequently publishing to my blog. I will have more to share when I am back and can actually think - since I will have gotten some clarity again. Oh, and if for some bizarre reason I should not return, 'twas a blast kiddies. See you all on the flip side...

(But I am guessing I will be back, a lot more tan, and armed with tons of pictures.)

A

Old Boxes.

So, here I am, packing for my trip to Jamaica (that info. is for another post) and I got into a cleaning frenzy which entailed me going through boxes of stuff I had forgotten about (funny how that can happen). I found this little poem my Grandma gave to me years and years ago shortly before she passed away. I thought I would share it with all of you.

From my Grandma Ellamae:

I've traveled paths you've yet to walk
Learned lessons old and new
And now this wisdom of my life
I'm fortunate to share with you

Let kindness spread like sunshine
Embrace those who are sad
Respect their dignity, give them joy
And leave them feeling glad

Forgive those who might have hurt you
And though you have your pride
Listen closely to their viewpoint
Try to see the other side

Walk softly when you're angry
Try not to take offense
Invoke your sense of humor
Laughter's power is immense

Express what you are feeling
Your beliefs you should uphold
Don't shy away from what is right
Be courageous and be bold

Keep hope right in your pocket
It will guide you day by day
Take it out when it is needed
When it's near you'll find a way

Remember friends and family
Of which you are a precious part
Love deeply and love truly
Give freely from your heart

The world is far from perfect
There's conflict and there's strife
But you can still make a difference
By how you live your life

And so I'm very blessed to know
The wonders you will do
Because you are my granddaughter
And I believe in you

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving Eve. A Thankful Confession.


If you are reading this, please be warned that what I am about to put out here is a baring of my soul and something that I am have kept from most people, even those that know me best, sadly enough. It is almost Thanksgiving and so many people just focus on having a few days to party and be free from work to feast and shop. Sure, those things are nice.

But I am more thankful than most people, to the point that to sit and really think about it (something I have not done in a while) I tear up. I am forcing myself to write, in hopes that I reach a few people and remind them what it really means to be thankful.

You see a few years ago, I found out I was not well. Not well at all. It came right down to the very real possibility that I may not make it to see a next Thanksgiving. I slipped into a period of real depression over the whole ordeal. I found the strength though, to fight back, to get what I wanted from life and push on and live each day like it might be my last. I never knew if I would get better or worse, I just had to shove on.

So, I threw myself into work, school, and setting about seeing my dreams come true and getting well. There were some pretty big bumps in the road along the way (nobody ever said these things are easy) but I pushed on despite being sick as a dog and putting a smile on my face for the world to see.

I remember it was one Thanksgiving in particular, right after we found out I was going to be an Aunt for the first time, that I realized what it meant to be thankful. I was surrounded by family, and I was still here. I also recall going into a room and seeing two very happy looking, pink Gerber Daisies sitting in a vase with a note beside them that read "You are stronger than you know, and no matter what, I will Stand By You."

They were from an ex at the time, and this simple act of kindness broke me down into an absolution of tears. I don't think I have ever cried more in my life. I never told him what those flowers meant to me. He didn't need to hear it, he knew. I went on that day with my game face on, changed forever. It wasn't long after that, he and I parted paths. I never forgot though what he had said - that I was strong.

And I was. And I am.

It was a struggle for a while, but eventually I got well and remain so, and I never take my health for granted. Sure, there has been a few little scares here and there, but I am here and thankful for it. I am thankful that I am alive and can share my life with so many great people.

 [My list. Skip to the end if you don't care to read it...]

I am thankful for my family - I love all of you beyond anything else. We are in this together for life and I am thankful you all have remained my rock and there for me when I needed it most. I am thankful for the weddings, babies, new homes, graduations, and all that is just around the corner for all of you - I am thankful I can be here to be a part of it all and see your happiness.

I am thankful for meeting Brad and becoming a part of his life, and him a part of mine, and know that no matter what the future brings, he will never hate me and dare I say, always consider me a friend - life is an adventure and I am thankful he is a part of mine. I am thankful that I met my dear friend Rebecca, and even more thankful that I know she and I will probably be friends for a lifetime and one day run a successful empire.

I am thankful for my crazy friend Charity who has been there with me through thick and thin and is almost like a sister to me. I am thankful for Anisa, who never judges me, though I do some boneheaded things and for her laugh and for her being a true friend - I am so glad we met and become such great friends.

I am thankful for Micca the one friend whom I can call and pick up right up with right where we left off no matter how much time has past, I am thankful for meeting Hilary, a zany friend who gets my weird (and thinks it's cool) whom shares a love of black cats with me and is a long lost cousin (who knew?), I am thankful DJ - friend and fitness buddy with whom I've grown close.

I am thankful for my friend Craig, who I can always make laugh and just contemplate life with. I am thankful for Justin who I can tell just about anything to and nothing phases him anymore (thankfully). I am thankful for my good friend Marc, who inspires me to one day be as good, as kind, and as hard-working and talented as he is. I am thankful for Jeanna and Kate two women who make me laugh and inspire me to find the little joys in life and love - no matter what form it comes in.

I am thankful for all the other new friends that I have made playing kickball, and am very thankful to Jen for thinking enough of me to ask me to play with such a fun group of folks. I am thankful for new friends Tami, with whom I hope to help her build her dreams, she is such a kind soul and dear person, and Tammy, a gal who is like a wise older sister that tells it like it is and wants nothing more than just to share a joyous moment in life with (I love that). I am thankful for Tony - Big T - a person who is one of the kindest people I know, who shares a mutual love of 'sammiches with me and always make me laugh.

I am thankful for my roomies Rachel and Chris who are like a little family to me and with whom I can share a home, a meal, a laugh, a sob and know that they will always be a friend. I am thankful for silly, funny and kind Amy and I look forward to getting to know her better. I am thankful for Tina, who taught me to believe in me and my talents and who gave me a chance to show what I really can do.

I am thankful for all of the other people that I have met over the past year or so professionally and personally, I am thankful to be able to share my life with you in some way or another, and hope to continue to do so in the future - and get to know all of you better.

I guess what I am most thankful for is the people in my life. Not things. Not materialistic items. It is people who enrich our lives and can share memories with. When faced with an uncertainty of living, you come to know that you can't take things with you, just your memories. I am thankful to have made so many great ones and look forward to making more.

I am thankful to wake up in the morning, with a day of fresh opportunities for really living. I am also thankful for Gerber Daisies that one Thanksgiving. It helped remind me of all I had to live for and give thanks too.

Life is an adventure. And I am thankful to be here and share it with all of you.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.

All the Best,

A





Monday, November 23, 2009

Raining Squirrels.



So for those of you that know me, you have heard me talk about my problem with squirrels, especially one squirrel in particular. Last summer, I thought it would be cute to set a peanut out each day on the back porch and watch this adorable little squirrel come up and take the peanut in the mornings.

I thought I was helping him out by feeding him. That was right up until he began eating my potted vegetable plants and once, staring at me through the kitchen window. Then he became destructive - toppling over plants, unlit candles and anything left on the deck. He ate all my vegetable plants and began a regular stint of sitting on the hood or roof of my car, and only moving when I got real close and swatted at him in order to make him leave.

The squirrel in question basically has NO FEAR of people. He observes me whenever I am outside and I know it is him by the bent up looking tail. He sits and watches, and on from time to time, makes little "barking" noises at me if I am just outside sitting on my deck. During the last few months, he has become defunct.

He has actually fallen out of a tree and onto ME a few times, with today being the forth time. It really isn't funny. When he lands on me he will run across me and leap onto the fence/my car/whatever else happens to be in his path.

But seriously, this has got to stop! I am worried that these aren't just random acts of squirrel violence. I am convinced he is targeting me or worse, that he has some disease that keeps him off-balance, thus explaining why he has fallen from the trees and onto me a few times.

Sure it may seem funny, and I admit after the first time it happened I thought it was hilarious, but now it is getting old. The squirrel has got to go. I am checking into humane traps and plan to bait and leave one out to catch him and release him out on some property where he can't harass me any longer. It's either that or I am going to make a fur coat for a Barbie doll out of him.

So, hopefully I will catch him or I guess I have to figure out a way to make a truce - maybe by leaving out an entire bag of peanuts in the yard, away from the house for him and a sign of respect, much like mobsters give cash as a sign of respect. This squirrel just might be the Don Vito of some Benton Park squirrel mob.

We'll see what happens...

Peas-out...

A


Saturday, November 21, 2009

What Women Want.



Well Gents, if you thought THIS was it. You're sort of right, but most women don't need the horse, the suit of armor or a prince for that matter. What IS correct in that picture is the man, or "type" really. The actor, Clive Owen, is a good starting point for what (most) women want. They want a guy who can scruff it up a bit and still look good and look/act like a "man's man" and be a gentleman.

For far too long, we've had these little pretty boy types who act like prima-donnas shoved in our faces and frankly, they look like tools. Sure, some women are drawn to the tool looking type, but most aren't. We want a guy who can looking handsome in a suit or just cute as hell in a t-shirt, baseball cap and jeans who treats women right - you know, the NICE GUY. I know, I know, I can hear you all saying nice guys finish last, but trust me once a girl gets burned a few times by some douchebag, her eyes are very open for the nice guys. We get sick of eating a pint of ice-cream, using up a box of tissues all over some jackass that we knew was a jackass, but still stuck it out for.

But more important than his looks, should be a guy that exudes confidence. Sure, shy can be adorable, but eventually, you'll have to come out of your shell. We don't want a show-off or some cocky "know it all" type and the guy that is ALWAYS acting like a clown can be removed from the center stage real quick. It just gets tiring to have to deal with that kind of guy.

Guys that are pushovers, act immature, or are just plain "wusses" are also put to the sidelines. Ditto for those with foul tempers (it's REALLY unbecoming), momma's boys, jealous freaks (see also immature) and the shameless cad (also known as player) are also left out in the cold.

Women just want a nice, down to earth guy who will actually show an interest in her life without being smothering. He doesn't have to want to mass produce kids, or have some bloated bank account, or even enjoy watching reruns of Say Anything with us, (but it would be nice if you would suck it up and just watch it) he just has to remember that for women, actions speak louder than words.

Call when you say you will, text back, don't play childish games, be honest,  and most of all just don't be a dick. Come on gents, you know when you are - and really, it's SOOOO unattractive and guess what? WOMEN TALK! We'll tell every girl that will listen that you are in fact, a dick. And trust me your options of women will begin to noticeably dwindle if you keep up your dick-like ways. Same goes if you fit the bill for any of the other category mentions.

See so there ya go. Free information from woman. Go now in peace armed with that info and maybe snag a copy of GQ and/or Esquire and class yourself up a bit. You'll be surprised which broads you can bag after tweaking a few minor character flaws, slapping on some nice cologne and good duds.

Bonus points if you add a mega-watt smile...

Happy hunting chaps!

TTYL,

A




Thursday, November 19, 2009

You "Might" Be Wanted on Prostitution Charges.
















I saw that picture and couldn't stop laughing. Funny stuff.

Anywhooooooo...

So this morning, I found myself sitting in court. Bright and early at 8am.

For Why? (I can already hear you asking.)

Well, long story short, I got a ticket for a rolling stop and failure to produce proof of insurance.
Both were BS tickets. I DID have proof, but some jackass stuck GUM in my insurance paper copy and shoved it back in my glove box.

When I got pulled over initially, (the officer said I rolled a stop-sign, I didn't, but whatever) I showed the patrolman my card, with the gum in it, and explained that somebody must have done it to be funny (clearly not) and that I was sorry.

The officer didn't care. I got two tickets. So there I was, in court, waiting to produce a judge my proof of insurance and to ask for a continuance on my stop-sign ticket since my lawyer called me and informed me that he was sick and would not be making it on my behalf. No worries I thought. I had to go down there anyways.

I was in line, waiting my turn, when the judged looked at me and said my last and first name rather loudly. I nodded my head and he read off a list of my charges. For the first time ever, I felt like some criminal and given the crowd I was in, my charges were probably the most lame.

He read: "Stop-sign violation, Failure to produce proper insurance and "Ladies Call"...

'What?' I meekly asked.

"Ladies Call  - Prostitution."

I was stricken with terror. Clearly this judge had the wrong gal or was just playing a mean joke. I couldn't help but to think how odd it would be for a Ho to drive herself around, but whatever....

'OH NO SIR! I am not a call-girl. Those charges aren't mine. You have the wrong gal.'

The room stirred and there were chuckles. The bailiff looked at me and shook his head. The judge slid his glasses down his nose to look at me.

"What?" growled the judge.

'No, I was stopped for the stop-sign and insurance. I wasn't out whoring. I swear. Please look at the paper work, it can't be mine. I wasn't told by the officer I was being charged with that.'

"Well, did you do it or not?' the judge said, sitting up and glaring at me.

'No, I didn't. I was just going to go jog in the park, that's all.'

The clerk took my file and began weeding through it. I plead not guilty to the stop-sign violation and asked for my continuance and showed him my insurance. Thinking I was good to go, I turned to leave.

"We're not done with you yet. Get back here!" The judge was not happy.

I stood there, humiliated. An officer approached the bench and I thought for sure I was going to get handcuffed for nothing. Instead he grabbed the file from the clerk and informed her that he must have mixed up my information with a girl whose last name is quite similar to my own - therefore, making it incorrectly filed.

He glared at me and said "That's not her. Shit. I have a problem to fix, don't I?" The clerk nodded and told him that he needed to send out a summons for the girl who probably didn't know she had whoring charges against her (although I am sure she knows what she did). The officer took the file (mine) and grabbed the information from it and grabbed the file of the other girl (who was wanted on whoring) and stormed out of the room.

'The officer is taking care of it 'Mam' said the clerk. The bailiff smiled and laughed a bit, still shaking his head.

'Wow. I have SUCH CONFIDENCE in our police and judicial system right now...' I mumbled. A few people heard me and began to laugh.

The judge apologized and dismissed me.

Just another day in the crazy life of Anne. And people wonder WHY I am writing a book about it....

Sheesh.

Later...

A

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Anne: Meet the Thug that Beat You Up. Thug, Meet Anne.

There are no funny pictures to put with this post, because what happened was not funny. See my post "Payback is a Blonde Bitch Junior" for the first part of this story.

So, I got to meet the little "thug" who decided to beat me up for no other reason then an act of violence and intimidation. He wasn't able to rob me, because I had nothing of value on my person. So instead, he just beat me up and I got lucky, considering he had a gun, a pistol of some kind to be precise. I guess he thought that made him some tough gangsta.

"He" is whom I will refer to as Shorty 14, since he was barely taller than myself, and 14 years old.

I met the officer who helped me at the police station along with the young man's Aunt (and only legal guardian) and she and I had a discussion about what had happened and she thanked me for not pressing assault with a deadly weapon charges against her nephew. "I couldn't blame you if you had. Lord knows the same shit woulda happened to me, I would have," she said shaking her head in shame over her nephew.

"I just want him to say he is sorry for what he did and mean it" I quietly said, holding back any emotion from her.

Next, the officer led the Shorty 14 into the room and he flopped down in the chair, not wanting to look at me. His Aunt left the room and waited outside. The officer stood in the back of the room, just observing "in case".

"Hi" I said to the young man. He was obviously not interested in speaking to me at all and was put-off by the whole fact that he was forced to meet me. He had little respect for anything. He sat slouched in his chair, snapping his chewing gum with his sideways hat, saggy pants and colors on (colors are gang specific colors - his being red).

"I would say it was nice to see you again, but you probably don't remember me" I said in a more firm tone. I could feel the anger and resentment boiling up inside of me.

'I know you. I see you. And ain't nobody in here give a shit about what you got to say. You ain't nothing to me.' Shorty 14 was clearly agitated.

"I know I'm not anything to you. You proved that over a month ago when you beat the shit out of me for no good reason other than some street cred."

Shorty 14 laughed. 'Shit, what you know about street cred?'

"I know a lot about it. I've been in some schools around students your age to know what it means. And I know that it was the only reason you beat me up. To look good. To look like some hard ass in front of your friends." My tone was clearly nasty by now. I began to cry.

Shorty 14 looked at me, in disbelief.

"WHY? Why did you do that?" I said to him.

'Man, I don't know. I ain't be trying to hear this mess. I want to go. Can I go now?'

The officer told Shorty 14 that he knew why he was here and what he had to do. "You can either say what needs to be said, or this lady can press charges against you and you are going to be locked up in juvenile hall and have more community service and your Auntie will have to pay damages. Is that what you want?"

'No.' Shorty 14 snapped back at the officer.

"Look, I didn't come here to belittle you, although I know that's what you are thinking. I just wanted for you to have to meet the person who you terrorized that night. I wanted you to know my name. And by the way, my name is Anne. All I wanted to do that night was go see my friend. And you took that from me. I can't walk down the street now without looking over my shoulder, wondering if some thug like yourself is going to come after me. Thanks for that."

'Welcome to my life. I do that every day. I have to. You don't.' Shorty 14 was looking dead at me, angry.

"I am sorry you have to live like that. But if you keep up at the rate you are going, your Aunt is going to burying you way too young. And from what I gather, you are all she's got. Why would you want to hurt her like that? The thing is, there is always going to be someone a bit tougher than you and you just might pick the wrong person one night and end up in jail or dead. It's not worth it."

'Shit man, this is crazy. I ain't tryin' to hear this mess.' Shorty 14 slouched in his chair.

Next I produced a picture from my jacket pocket.
"You see this kid?" Shorty looked over and nodded.

"He was a lot like yourself. Only he was in a much, much worse neighborhood than yours. He lived up in North County and looked over his shoulder all the time. Yeah, he was in a gang, but then when he got shot 3 times one night, he realized none of his friends gave a damn about him. He was just some dude, bleeding out on the sidewalk. All he had was his Grandma. And he was responsible for helping to take care of her. He was in the hospital for several months and not ONE of his "friends" came to see him. When he went home, they didn't talk to him either. He was nothing to them. But he meant the world to ONE person. His Grandma. So, you know what he did after he felt what it was like to be dead?"

"No," Shorty said, listening to me but clearly not wanting to do so.

"He started to LIVE and do right by her. He went to school. He got involved in athletics and tried to get good grades, he wasn't a straight A student, but he did his best. Because at the end of the day, he wanted something for himself. He knew he couldn't keep hustling or he would be dead. "

Then the door to the room opened and a man stepped inside. He was dressed nice and sat down. He nodded to me. "Hi" he said to Shorty 14.

'Hey.' Shorty responded. Then there was a short period of silence and glances back and forth.
'Is that you?' he asked. The man nodded. 'How do you know her?'

"She was a student teacher at the school I went to. She brought me my homework so I wouldn't flunk out. She helped me with some of it and made sure it got turned in for me. She came to a couple of the games and she helped me find a part-time job. And when I got to graduation time, she told me that she would help me get into college and get something for myself. She didn't have to do any of that, man."

"And you know what?"

'What?' Shorty said.

"She kept her word. I went to the community college and then a university and I got my degree. She helped me figure out financial aide and all that so I could go. I made something of me. And those dudes I used to hang out with back in the day? They all living on the check and some of them I had to go to funerals for. I see you. I know who you are. You used to be me. And your Auntie doesn't want that for you. Like my Grandma didn't want that for me. I know how it is. I ain't had nobody either but me. But, we all got to talking and there is a program that you could get into and get on with your life and go to a better school and make something of you. And like Anne promised me, I'm going to promise you, I will help you. But, you got to make the effort to want it."

"I'll be watching out for you if you want me to" my friend said.

Shorty shifted nervously in his seat. 'I don't know. I got to think about it.'

"Okay," my friend said and he handed him his card. "You think about it and when you are ready, you call me. Your Auntie says you got a cell phone and can call, but you got to want this. And when you do, I'll help you out. Cause I'll tell you what man, the alternative, is getting more of nothing."

My friend left and I hugged him good-bye.

I sat back down, looking at Shorty 14. He stared at me.

"Well, I got to go" I said to him.

I got up to leave and grabbed my things.

'Hey,' Shorty said.

"What?"

'Sorry...'

"Okay. Thanks. I mean that."

And with that, I left. I don't know if Shorty 14 will seriously consider getting help to get out of his situation, but it is there. He is just some lost kid on the streets and his situation was not his fault. At least I know I tried to make it right and not keep the cycle of hate and violence going. One step can make all the difference. I hope that step helps Shorty 14.

Best,

Anne

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Why the Yard Gnome Matters.



The beloved Yard Gnome. We all know him and we love him. He spends countless hours day and night, in all seasons, guarding our lawns from would be assailants to pristine flower beds and grass. He has become a star in movies and a company spokesperson - heck he has even got his own Twitter account and Facebook page. He is the epitome of uber-hip.

Some may ask why such a kitschy little object matters so much to so many devotees and enthusiasts.

There is but one answer to explain the magic of said Yard Gnome.

He is barely a foot tall, he is dressed like an elf and drinks beer.

Don't believe me about the beer thing? Ever have a beer sitting out and wonder who drank it? The Gnome. Ever stock a fridge with tall frosty ones only to find that something or someone had made off with a few? Yup, the Gnome.

So dear drinkers of the drunken brew known as beer, lager, stout, a pint and so on, pay your respects to the Gnome. And from time to time, he may just pop up on this blog at a party, drinking your swill, while you are far to occupied with other matters. He may even pop up at a beloved establishment or two, looking debonair and giving some pointers about social etiquette.

That is all for now.

Have a great Saturday.

A

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Wisdom of the 3 Stooges.




If you don't know who these 3 guys are, you're more than  missing out. It should be considered a national crime not to know who Moe, Larry and Curly were, which to be exact, they were one of the most brilliant comedy trios of out lifetime.

They brought joy to millions, and even after their departure from this life, they continue to do so with re-runs, DVD sales and downloads of their comedy antics. I have been a 3 Stooges fan ever since my Dad had me sit down and watch a  few episodes with him. After that initial viewing, I was hooked.

The Stooges were a silly slap upside the head for Americans when times were tough - through the Great Depression, War(s). they poked fun at being poor and the real terror of war - even being brave enough to mock Hitler, WHILE he was in command. Pretty brave and funny if you ask me.

I remember my Grandpa telling me that those guys were the kings of comedy and they really helped people to smile and laugh during otherwise bleak times. That they "Put a little bit of cheap joy back into people's lives when it was most needed."

As most of you know, many people have been down in the dumps about the current state of affairs in our country and world in general. I say we could all learn a lot from the Stooges on the best coping mechanism when there isn't a lot you can do to control outside frustrations.

Laughter.

That's right, laughter. You lost your job? Well, so has most of us, join the club. Have yourself a good, hardy laugh about it, I promise it WILL make you feel better. Sure you might be worried about bills and whatnot, but I can guarantee you, it will all turn out okay. Things somehow have a way of working themselves out as they should. Just laugh at the fact that some poor slob will one day have your old gig - for less money and more stress. That should make you smile.

You sick with the Swine Flu? Grab a hot cup of tea and have a good chuckle at the fact you probably promised yourself you wouldn't get sick. Shit happens. Have a laugh and move on from it. Or look at yourself in the mirror - your matted hair and sallow complexion are sure to make you look like some zombie, kind of funny looking, eh? Go ahead and laugh a little. It's okay.

Wife, Husband or Lover leaving you? You are probably better off in the long run, but let yourself giggle - after all they are that person's problem now, and you get more room in your bed, and time to pursue worthwhile activities such as bocce ball (a fun game might I add), or just seeing friends that you haven't seen in a while.

Back when our parents were growing up, heck even our grandparents, they had far worse to worry about. World War 1 and 2 was no joke, but neither was the Korean War or Vietnam (or any war for that matter). I heard the Depression was no picnic, either. But you know what? Somehow, our grandparents and parents made it through just fine. A big part of what pulls anyone through down times is the power of a laugh.

Moe, Larry and Curly knew this and capitalized off of it, while doing some good in the world. While I am not saying you should run off and join some comedy troupe (although I hear it's a hoot), I am saying you should share a joke, watch a funny movie or even pick up a copy of the 3 Stooges material and laugh your ass off. It's really the only good thing to do in times when life is less than rosy.

Me, I try to laugh as often as I can. Over the past year, I've had some pretty screwed up things happen to me, that could have kept me down, but instead, I just had a good laugh at the absurdity of it all, and look forward to what is next around the corner for me.

It's really all you can do.
Laugh a little.
You'll feel better.
Moe, Larry and Curly did.
And they'll never be forgotten for it.

Later Gators....

A







Tuesday, November 10, 2009

When I Grow Up...


 For all you kids of the eighties, this epic scene in the movie BIG, starring Tom Hanks, probably made you wish that there really was a Zoltar machine that would grant you just one wish, and that wish would come true.

All I could think about was how cool it would be to just throw a couple of quarters in a machine and get the one thing that I wanted more than anything else. On a family trip many years ago, we stumbled upon one of these Zoltar machines. It wasn't nearly as cool as the real deal from the movie, but it had to suffice.

I still remember what I wished for. It came to me when I was digging through a box of mementos and discovered my Zoltar fortune card with a date written on it. 1989. I was about 9 years old at the time.
My wish? I wanted to be pretty. Now mind you, I was an ugly duck. Thick glasses, janky teeth, crazy hair. I was the epitome of nerd. Dorkus Maximus as I was so loving called by the class bully.

Now looking back at that wish so long ago, I realized, it came true. And thank goodness. But it didn't really happen until my later years in High School. Oh well, better late than never right?

But now that I am the ripe old age of 30, I wondered just what my wish would be this time around.  If you had a Zoltar machine and a quarter, what would you wish for? How would it be different than when you were a kid?

My wish now would be to have my "dream" job. At first it was just a loose sort of wish, I wasn't certain what that dream job would be. Then, the more I thought about it, it is working for an ad agency that has a toy company for a client upon which I got to do the strategy and creative concepting in addition to overseeing the digital direction too. I know that if I were to go and get that client, I would be in a far better position to doing what I want with regard to my work.

From there, I thought even further and fleshed it out to one day working as a Marketing Manager for a toy company, much like Tom Hanks did in the movie BIG. Sure, I would have to go back to school at get a Master's degree (more than likely anyways) but I could get paid to work around toys, the ideasmiths who come up with them, and the children who love them (at oe point I was in education and still do love being around kids).




When I think of the piano scene in the movie BIG, I connected it to the fact that SOMEBODY actually gets PAID to have fun and make a client/company money marketing hours of endless imagination and enjoyment for kids. At that point, I was sold. I am a fun-loving, creative and terribly silly person. Heck, I go to toy stores on the regular just to see what they have for kids nowadays.

And yes, I still try things out and now that I am older, I think of the strategy which that company should use to make an impact. I also look at the product and find the ways in which they should improve it, to make it more kid friendly. Have you SEEN the new Transformers? They are quite complex compared to what I had back in the day and the options aren't nearly as cool as when I was growing up.

But looking further down the road...

Maybe, just maybe, that wish for a dream job is an agency that markets the silly and offbeat? Maybe that agency happens to get a toy company client. And maybe that agency assigns me to it. And maybe down the road I will one day work for that toy company, or, run one of my own. Who knows. the options are endless.

Wishing I am sure will help, but just knowing it will happen and never doubting that it will (much like the faith that I had that Zoltar would make sure I became somewhat pretty) is sure to have me standing in my office one day with an electronic light-up floor piano underneath my feet.

Sure it will take some hard work, but wishing is a small first step.
Time to go find that Zoltar machine...


Best,

Anne





Monday, November 9, 2009

Shameless, Party of One.




















To be shameless? What is it, really? (And isn't that little comic funny??? I found it here: http://reenapereira.tumblr.com/  - the stuff she likes is pretty cool.)

Is being shameless sharing things with others that some might deem potentially offensive? Or is it that annoying celebrity who will do just about anything to get noticed and generate a bit of press?

The dictionary describes shameless as this:
adj
1. having no sense of shame; brazen
2. done without shame; without decency, or modesty

I'll agree with that dictionary entry, wouldn't you?

For me, I think of it as the mindset that as a person, you frankly don't give a damn what others think of you. For example: look at women who prance around barely clad in any clothes. Some would label them sluts. Others would say they are just confident. Whatever spin you choose to put on it, bottom line, those women have chosen to be shameless.

Are you shameless? What things in your life have you chosen to be shameless about?

Perhaps you are clad in tattoos/piercings and chose to show them off, loud and proud - being shameless about what "the children" and elderly might think. I say, good for you. It's called freedom of expression.

Maybe you are known for having a sense of humor that leaves jaws dropping (like, did he/she REALLY just say that?! it is SO un-PC). Well, it's good that we can still poke fun at the absurdities in life and get a giggle from laughing at one another and what makes us all so different. Comedians do it all the time. And they make a pretty darn good living from it (well, the good ones anyways).

I am sure if George Carlin were here right now, he'd agree with me about the whole being shameless thing. He was a filthy comedian who built his rep being blunt and offensive to many. AND he also starred on a children's television show too! Rather shameless if you ask me...

Me? I have been accused of being shameless. Mostly for the fact that I am friendly and very outgoing - some call it being a "flirt" others have called it being a "tease" and a few times I have heard the grumble of the word "whore". Well, while I can say I am not a whore, I can readily admit that yes, I am a shameless flirtatious person. It's just part of my personality and who I am.

I like making people smile and feel good about themselves. Ugly, cute, old, young, men, women - it doesn't matter. I am very comfortable around people. The area that gets me into the most trouble though, is men. Other women LOVE to sling dirt about a gal who is comfortable just being "one of the guys" mixed with a  smidge of "hugginess".

It sends most women to the moon when they see a gal who can easily put a genuine smile on a guy's face, from cracking a joke, striking up intellectual conversation or just smiling at him.  It's even worse if that guy is taken, engaged or married. I have been told by quite a few women that this is disrespectful.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't pass out my number with a wink, or grab that what does not belong to me, but I won't pass up giving a friendly hug goodbye/hello or a congratulatory slap on the back. I know the line. And I tread it very carefully because as the saying goes, do unto others as you would have done unto you.



I will also say while we are on the subject of shameless, I do use profane language (when called for), I like crude humor and am not afraid to tell a joke that might make some blush (when the timing is right), I dress for the occasion (and sometimes a slinky little cocktail dress is called for), I socially will have a drink or two and guess what? I am not apologetic at all for it. I know how to have class and tact in certain situations, but I will not be policing every aspect of my life for fear of being too "shameless".

I say, let your freak flag fly. Be who you are. If it's shameless, then good for you. You are well on your way to what we call being comfortable in your own skin.  There are times when one must do some PR for their own rep, but usually that only has to happen when we take note that not everyone else views things as we do.

Life.
I'm here for the party, aren't you?
And so you can find me better...
I'll be the shameless one cracking that joke about the goat, while drinking a beer and chatting with some guys.

Catch y'all later...

A

Friday, November 6, 2009

Let's Be (Guy) Friends.


Image courtesy of: www.nataliedee.com

For those of you that know (or don't know) me, ask others who do know me rather well and they will tell you that I have quite a few guy friends. Guys who can at any time, pick up the phone and get unsolicited female advice on anything ranging from "Why do women do that crap!" to "So does a blue shirt with blue jeans look stupid?" (Yes, it DOES.)

Many of these guys, I have become quite close with and talk to just about anything that happens into the conversation. Female (and some other male) friends do not see how it is possible for two people of the opposite sex to get along as friends without there being the push for more from either party (not a worry with my gay guy friends - Holla!) But there were times with some of the other guys, I wondered why they never asked me out or pushed for more.

I did work up the nerve to ask one. And he told me he was content just to have me in his life as a friend, then not at all. He also brought up the point that if we had ever went out and it didn't work, there would have been that "awkwardness" forever after. Then there is also the point of a guy just not being all that into you "like that". Which, isn't a bad thing at all. In fact he told me "Your cool and all, but that would just be weird." Point taken.

Quite frankly, I like having a person I can joke around with, cry to, share in life's many adventures and have as a stand in as a real boyfriend when needed (of course). It just "works". Sure I may have a boyfriend now, but when I didn't, I liked having this pool of guys to tap for opinions on the guys I was dating when I was single. I almost always got an honest opinion.

"He's a tool." "He's just after you for one thing." "Was he serious with that shirt and hair? He looked like a douchebag." "Darlin', he might very well be gay. I think he was checking ME out."

Yes, I've heard it all from them. I also know that any guy worth a damn must be able to play well with my friends - meaning, get along with all of them. That is always the big test. If he is able to mix well with my friends, he passes. He can move past go and collect his $200.

But sometimes...sometimes dear readers there are those guys who you meet and become friends with and wonder about. Wonder if this guy or that one would be good for you beyond just being a friend. I have ventured down this slippery slope before and yes, it has in fact blown up in my face and the wounds still serve as a painful reminder that not everyone belongs together. That is why I have come to the conclusion that in love, much as it is in life, whatever will be, will be. If it is meant to happen it shall. You can't force anything or anyone and you are better to just have the men that you will keep only as friends.

So, as a "friend" to many men, I sit fascinated by them all. Hearing them tell me excitedly about their latest love interest and how funny she is or how nice she smells (yeah, some details I could go without), what new gadget they bought, or the bullshit call in the game that they were watching on the television, and agree to be a stand in date as needed to company functions or weddings, and smile knowingly.

I smile because I am happy just as he is to have an unconditional friend to share in this little adventure called life. I smile because I know whatever girl lands him or wife he chooses, that she will be very fortunate. And if she breaks his heart, I'll be the girl he calls to help pick up the pieces and take him for a beer to assure him not all women are evil, and the same one who will plot quietly to break that little snot's face for breaking his heart.

I think all women need good guy friends.

I'll keep my best guy friend though, as my boyfriend. After all, he started out as just a friend.

Best,

Anne

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Teaching a Valuable Skill: The Art of "The Look".




















Recently, I was faced with a most peculiar request from a friend who jokingly asked me how I managed to get the attention of just about any guy. Mind you, she said this while we were sitting and eating lunch in a crowded diner. She pointed out to me that different guys kept glancing over my way (to which I was oblivious to).

"Honestly?" I said to my eager to know friend, "I learned it from Liz Taylor" (see picture above). I told her how I watched old movies with her in it and how she could command attention from any man by not even saying one word and just giving him that "look".

"Look?" my friend said. "Ha! I don't believe you! Show me." So, I proceeded to show her a little trick I learned many years ago when I first watched the movie Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, starring Liz Taylor and Paul Newman. In the movie, Liz had a certain "come hither" look that she gave to her leading man and when she gave it, you best believe he took notice of her.

So, I told my friend to point out a guy in the diner so that I could demonstrate what I was talking about. I tried giving my friend "the look" but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to do so. It is a technique best observed in action so that one can learn.

My friend pointed out a guy, mid-thirties, sitting with another man in a  booth close to ours. "Well, go ahead. Let's see this look that you are talking about." she chirped to me. So, I glanced over a bit at the man. Just enough to catch his eyes when he was looking around a bit. He would glance over and I would shyly look away a few times.

Then when I caught that he was looking over at me, I tilted my chin downward a bit, and gave him the big "Doe-Eyed" glance with a coy smile.

The guy lit up like a Christmas tree and shyly smiled back. I looked away, so as to not "stare" for too long -just enough to get him to take notice. My friend squealed "Oh my Gawd! He is still glancing over here! Seriously! You should see it!"

So I looked over once again and this time glanced at him and gave a warm smile attached with another "look". My friend was in awe. "WOW. So that's what you're talking about, okay. I get it." I encouraged her to give a "look" to a guy that I pointed out, to which she got similar results. She was beaming from ear to ear.

By the end of our lunch, the waitress came over and I asked for the bill. She smiled and informed me that "the gentleman over there" had taken care of it. She handed me the receipt and his business card. I looked at it and flipped it over to read a note scribbled on the back...

"That's some look you've got. If I wasn't married, I'd be asking you out to dinner." - Jason

I smiled and nodded towards the man who politely nodded back. On the way out, I showed my friend the results that only a certain "look" can achieve. My friend decided to put her new skill to work and scored herself a date with a man who works in her building.

Ah, the power of the eyes...

Later,

Anne

Have You Settled?
















Dear Readers:

This is what it looks like to NOT settle.  I know some of you may be wondering what the hell the picture of this weather-worn house has to do with anything, but for this post, it has everything to do with what you are about to read.

This is a picture of a house located on Peaks Island, in Maine and a big part of why I will never settle for less than what I want. I plan to one day have a home up in Peaks Island or Portland, Maine to retreat to during the summer so I can vacation with friends and family and take time to write from the inspiration that comes from such a serene place, far from the corporate and big-city wastelands.

If you haven't been to Maine, let me tell you, it's beautiful. The salty ocean air, the calling of the sea-gulls, the light-houses... it is truly a picturesque place. I think that all people should have a vision of what they want, much like I have this picture in Maine. Real, actual photos of things you want from life to remind you to never "just settle" and follow your dreams. Too many of us get caught up in the drudgery of daily existing, losing site of that dream and just settling for whatever happens our way at the time (Hello failed marriages/relationships - what if you had held out for Mr. Mrs. Unquestionably Right For You?)

I happen to have photos clipped of the things I want out of this life (in an album) and a hand written list that I carry on my person that serves as a reminder to always have that big picture in my mind. I don't sweat all the details of how I am going to achieve them (though I do have to work towards it), I just know that they will come if I focus on them in a positive manner, every day and count my blessings for what I have now and feel the joy from already "having" that item on my list. Some examples of items on my list: Take a trip to France, Get a new career,etc.

Don't believe me? Remember the last time something really good happened to you? Did you happen to think about it in a great way and then, poof! it happened? Well, it has for me, time and time again. It's when I stray and get into the negativity space is the point in which things start to go south and nothing seems to be going my way.

Sure, I have to put some work into seeing those dreams become a reality, but I won't stop half-way and just "settle" for less. A friend of mine recently confided in me that her life wasn't what she had pictured at all. She has a house in the suburbs, a husband, a career as a manager at a company she hates, and a schnoodle (dog). She told me that her dream was to travel extensively, become a fashion buyer and live in Chicago. Obviously, that did not happen. Somehow she settled for less.

"I just settled Anne. I took the easy way to a life I thought I wanted." I assured her that it wasn't too late. It never is. She had options. She could very easy go back to school in the evenings, get her advanced degree, pack up the dog and husband and move to Chicago. Just hearing me utter those words she became filled with zest. "You are right! I should damnit. Why not? I mean, I only have a few classes that I would have to take to get another degree and I have connections in Chicago and as far as the husband, he can get work anywhere."

She hung up the phone with me and then some days later sent me an email letting me know she signed up for classes. See, this is called not settling. The same applies in all areas of your life. Professionally, personally, etc. If you are not happy and want something more, then set about getting it.

Don't get to the end of your road and have regrets. Look at each day as an opportunity to move closer to your goals and dreams and QUIT SETTLING for the mediocre. In life, we can all check out at any time, with little to no warning. Scary thought, I know. But it is the hard reality. We are human and we are only given so much time to make it count.

So, I am sure I'll be writing a best selling novel one day from my beach house in Maine, while sipping a good white wine and toasting to the sea gulls who secretly know that I didn't settle.


What will you be doing today and tomorrow, heck, even the next day to ensure that you stop settling?

Best,

Anne

Monday, November 2, 2009

Crazy? Sure. It's Located in Aisle 5, Right Next to the Candy...




















Yes, for those of you wondering, that IS a picture of Crazy Harry, a beloved Muppet, created by Jim Henson. And yes, he is awesome.


The only time Crazy isn't awesome is when you come face to face with it, and it isn't the Muppet, er, Harry.

Anywho, this post isn't about dear Crazy Harry, no, it is about crazy and how we can find it just about anywhere these days. Why, even in the grocery store, in a candy aisle near you...

It was mid-afternoon and I had just finished a great lunch meeting and decided to run and errand before heading home. I stopped at the local [gasp] Super Wal-Mart because I really didn't feel like making the trip all the way over to another grocery store across town, or fighting parking at the grocery stores located in the downtown area. This was my first mistake. I should have NOT went to Wally-World...

Inside the store I grabbed up some bananas, lean ground beef and dark chocolate (odd combo, I know) and then I made my way further up the candy aisle to get some bubble gum. I noticed a man, perhaps in his mid-forties, average looking, and sweats. He looked normal enough and I even caught him glancing over at me every so often and quickly started staring at the floor when he realized I had noticed him staring at me.

He was to my immediate right and looking over the gum selection when I noticed him staring at me again. Instead of getting annoyed with his persistent staring, I turned to him, smiled and simply said "Hello." I figured it we be a nice thing to do.

Boy, was I ever wrong about that. Instead, the man began screaming at the top of his lungs and shrieking loudly "Don't Look at Me! Don't Look at Me! You'll Burn Me!!!" this of course caught me completely off guard.

Soon, other shoppers began peering down the aisle and a store associate approached to see what all the commotion was about.

The man kept right on wailing loudly and begging me to not look at him. He moved away from me, shielding his face and cowered against a display. I of course felt terrible and approached him, asking him what I did. He screamed wildly and backed away again.

Finally, store security showed up and asked me what I had done. "Nothing" I replied. I had just smiled at him and said "Hello". They instructed me to make my purchases and leave. Weird, I thought, they are asking ME to leave when clearly this poor chap was a few french-fries short of a happy meal.

Walking away, he continued to yell at me and instruct other shoppers not to look at me, that I would burn them. You would have thought he had seen death itself in my eyes or something. I will readily admit that I felt completely embarrassed of the spectacle.

On my way out all I could wonder was what the hell set that guy off in such a fashion.

I am reconsidering this whole saying "Hello" to strangers any more...

Later.

A